Exposés

Japan has banned CBN, a cannabinoid associated with relaxation and sleep, after regulators reportedly identified calmness as an emerging threat to productivity.

Massachusetts regulators are auditing cannabis THC potency testing after years of increasingly impossible lab results turned dispensary menus into radioactive fantasy novels masquerading as science.

There’s a special kind of poetry in cannabis branding. The kind where everyone is “family,” everything is “hand crafted,” and the flower is supposedly kissed into existence by moonlight, good intentions, and a mission statement nobody can afford to question.

In today’s episode of You Can’t Make This Shit Up, a cannabis CEO proudly declared, “I don’t use cannabis very often, but I think our vapes are the absolute best,” instantly earning the admiration of investors, LinkedIn thought leaders, and absolutely no one who’s ever actually inhaled anything besides flavored air.

In a stunning display of government competence (don’t get used to it), New Jersey authorities shut down a network of illegal weed vending machines this week, not because they were unsafe, but because they were making licensed dispensaries look like the DMV with mood lighting.

In an inspiring commitment to educational mediocrity, the University of New England announced the launch of its new cannabis industry program, a bold academic initiative staffed almost entirely by people whose résumés read like a Craigslist section titled Jobs I Almost Had.

“Banquet Salisbury Steak: Chef’s Signature RSO Drizzle” Because not every infused meal needs to involve saffron, microgreens, and a chef who calls himself an “alchemist.”

The entire C-suite of Wyld spent 4/20 not celebrating, not doing brand activations, not pretending to care about budtenders for once, but collectively getting stretchered out of HQ after eating their “first ever” edible. Yes. The people who run one of the biggest edible companies in America discovered edibles on 4/20 like a bunch of exchange students who thought a brownie “wouldn’t hit.”