Licenses

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New York cannabis nursery applicants wait behind ticketing barricades while state officials scan application codes in a concert-style licensing queue.

New York Hands Cannabis Licensing to Ticketmaster After Nursery Applications Sell Out in Eight Minutes

New York accepted 50 cannabis nursery applications in eight minutes. The next licensing round belongs with the only company more experienced at monetizing artificial scarcity: Ticketmaster.

5 min read

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — Missouri has once again demonstrated its unmatched ability to take something relatively simple, run it through a legislative wood chipper, and hand the resulting pile of shit to cannabis dispensaries with instructions to figure it out themselves. This time, the issue is customer privacy.

Missouri Requires Cannabis Dispensaries to Remember Every Transaction but Forget Who the Fuck Bought It

JEFFERSON CITY, MO — Missouri has once again demonstrated its unmatched ability to take something relatively simple, run it through a legislative wood chipper, and hand the resulting pile of shit to cannabis dispensaries with instructions to figure it out themselves. This time, the issue is customer privacy. Beginning November 12, 2026, Missouri cannabis dispensaries will be prohibited from creating or retaining records containing adult-use consumers' identifying inform

8 min read

New Jersey cannabis casting call depicts Raj Mukherji reviewing social-equity applicants for a 60% majority-owner role with no speaking authority.

Raj Mukherji Opens Casting Call for Social Equity Owners, Speaking Roles Not Included

A New Jersey lawsuit alleges social-equity owners were placed prominently on cannabis applications and pushed out of actual control. The industry has responded by formalizing the audition process.

7 min read

Hemp 1848 owner Jerry McCoy receives a Wisconsin cannabis license with a 2156 renewal date at a courthouse correctional intake counter.

Wisconsin Finally Regulates Cannabis, Sets First License Renewal for 2156

Wisconsin has no cannabis licensing system, so prosecutors built one with 13 felony counts. The owner of Hemp 1848 allegedly disguised high-potency marijuana as legal hemp and received a tentative renewal date in 2156.

7 min read

Cannabis seed under a federal interrogation lamp beside THC records and pre-crime botany evidence files.

Federal Government Begins Prosecuting Cannabis Seeds for Crimes They May Commit as Adults

A new federal hemp definition will judge viable cannabis seeds by the THC concentration of their parent plants, turning genetics, ancestry and the possibility of germination into evidence of a future drug crime.

10 min read

Police officers inspect cannabis flower during a traffic stop involving a cannabis executive attempting to secure a future social equity licensing advantage.

Cannabis Executive Attempts To Manufacture Criminal Record, Immediately Undermined By Own Flower

A cannabis executive's elaborate plan to secure future social equity eligibility collapses when police refuse to issue charges after reviewing the quality of his own flower.

4 min read

Good Day Farm Reportedly Built a Monopoly in Missouri to Avoid Getting Good at Cannabis

MISSOURI — In a move described by industry insiders as “efficient” and “completely unnecessary if you’re actually good at your job,” Good Day Farm is facing a class action lawsuit alleging it quietly built an illegal monopoly across Missouri’s cannabis market, effectively eliminating the need to compete on product quality, retail strategy, or basic competence.

2 min read

Lil Baby Sues Hemp Partner for Allegedly Sucking Ass at the One Job They Had

There are a lot of ways to mess up cannabis. You can overprice it. You can under-trim it. You can package it like it’s trying to win a minimalist design award in 2016. But allegedly shipping THC that doesn’t match the label, plus mold, plus E. coli? That’s not a mistake. That’s a full-blown operational philosophy.

2 min read

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