Boofonomics

In a move that legal experts are calling “technically impossible” and cannabis executives are calling “worth a shot,” Donald Trump announced today the creation of a brand-new immigration program specifically for cannabis license holders: the Greener Card™. Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate ac

Wall Street is popping champagne. Hamilton Beach is popping circuit breakers. The appliance company just posted shockingly strong earnings, not because America rediscovered smoothies, but because the cannabis industry has once again entered its most sacred season: Annual Holiday SKU Destruction Month.

The cannabis sector rallied this week after Washington whispered the word “rescheduling” again, an event that reliably sends weed stocks sprinting into traffic like a neglected dog hearing keys jingle. Within hours, analysts were back on television explaining, earnestly, solemnly, with charts, that this time is different. Capital flooded in. Group chats lit up. Retail traders dusted off brokerage apps they swore they’d deleted in 2022. Somewhere, a junior analyst updated a Po

In a landmark transaction that will fundamentally change nothing except the font on the bag, Wyld has officially acquired Grön, creating the cannabis industry’s first fully interchangeable gummy ecosystem. The press release calls it “a major industry transaction. ”Budtenders call it “the moment my job officially became improv theater.”

This week, Vireo Growth announced it’s acquiring Eaze for $47 million, officially confirming two things: Weed delivery is “back,” according to executives with slides. Nothing in cannabis ever truly dies, it just gets recapitalized. If you felt a strange chill when you read the headline, that was the sound of a thousand former Eaze users checking their phones to make sure the app wasn’t already reinstalled.

Trump “Rescheduling” Cannabis: What This Actually Does (And Who It Screws Anyway)

Missouri’s cannabis scene looks like a pawn shop with a license. Licenses flipping, staff erased, logos changing faster than eighths on 4/20. Boof du Jour digs into how the state’s market went from garage band to corporate elevator music in five years flat.

California cut its cannabis excise tax from 19% to 15%, a supposed lifeline for a $4B market already on life support. Will this revive legal weed—or just delay the obituary?