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Boofonomics



Curaleaf Opens Applications for Next Farm Willing to Grow the Weed, Absorb the Loss and Go Fuck Itself
After escaping a $31.8 million cannabis judgment, Curaleaf opens applications for growers willing to supply the crop, finance the inventory and absorb every consequence when prices collapse.
7 min read


Curaleaf Sends Aurora an Unsolicited $272 Million Marriage Proposal With a $5 Prenup
Curaleaf plans to take a stock-and-cash offer directly to Aurora shareholders after a private courtship both sides describe differently. Corporate cannabis has entered its hostile-wedding era.
6 min read


The SEC Hands a Former Grilled Cheese Truck a $43.9 Million Bill, and Somehow the Sandwich Was the Legitimate Business
American Patriot Brands began as The Grilled Cheese Truck, raised more than $30 million for a supposed cannabis empire, and ended with a federal judgment totaling nearly $43.9 million.
6 min read


BREAKING: Texas Creates Largest Customer Acquisition Campaign in Cartel History
Following the state's sweeping crackdown on hemp-derived THC products, industry analysts say millions of Texans who purchased legal Delta-8, Delta-9 hemp, THCA, and other hemp-derived cannabinoids from licensed retailers now face an exciting new customer journey known simply as:
"Text your cousin."
2 min read


Drug Testing Industry Tests Positive for Cannabis Dependence
The drug-testing industry told a federal court that cannabis reform could cut medical review revenue by at least 35 percent, accidentally documenting how much prohibition is worth to the people paid to enforce it.
11 min read


Cannabis Industry Debuts Its Most Honest Edible Yet: Investor Gummies
An Ohio cannabis candy fraud case inspires the industry’s most honest edible yet: Investor Gummies, infused with projections, delusion, and the sudden urge to wire money before asking questions.
10 min read


Michigan Man Switches to Eating Only Edibles After Discovering They're Cheaper Than Groceries
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — As inflation continues to drive up the cost of food across America, one Michigan man says he has found a simple solution: stop buying food and start buying edibles.
According to 34-year-old Tyler Jensen, the decision came after a routine trip to both the grocery store and his local dispensary left him asking a question that economists, regulators, and cannabis executives have been desperately trying to avoid:
3 min read


Kentucky Lawmaker Horrified To Discover Medical Marijuana Program Functioning Exactly As Intended
Kentucky's Jason Nemes wants physicians and businesses prosecuted for following expanded qualifying conditions. The only problem? Every medical cannabis state in America has been following the exact same script for years.
3 min read
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