Florida Miscounts Thousands of Recreational Weed Signatures, Blames Calculator

TALLAHASSEE, FL - Florida officials confirmed this week that thousands of signatures supporting a 2026 adult-use cannabis ballot measure were not counted, citing what they described as “a minor calculator situation.”

According to state representatives, the missing signatures were not lost, ignored, or strategically underappreciated - they were simply victims of what one official called “unexpected numerical complexity.”

“Look, we were pressing buttons,” said one staffer. “But at some point the calculator just stopped cooperating.”

The Math Incident

Sources inside the state elections office report that the issue began when a signature stack exceeded what an aging desk calculator was emotionally prepared to handle.

“At around 9,999, it just felt like a lot,” said another official. “We assumed it probably evened out.”

Rather than recount immediately, the office reportedly opted for a “confidence-based estimation model,” which insiders describe as “close enough.”

That model has since been abandoned.

The Missing Thousands

Advocates for legalization were less amused.

“We collected these signatures legally, transparently, and repeatedly,” said one campaign organizer. “Finding out they were ‘miscounted’ is not ideal.”

When pressed on how thousands of valid petitions could be overlooked, state officials explained that counting paper “isn’t as straightforward as people think.”

“There are stacks,” one official said gravely. “And sometimes those stacks have other stacks underneath them.”

Emergency Recount Underway

The state has now launched what it is calling a “structured recalculation effort,” which reportedly includes:

• A new calculator

• Two additional interns

• A whiteboard

• “Taking it slower this time”

Observers say the situation feels eerily familiar to Florida’s long and proud tradition of number-based suspense.

“Florida has always had a creative relationship with counting,” said one political analyst. “This is just the cannabis edition.”

Officials Remain Confident

Despite the uproar, state leadership insists the system is functioning as intended.

“We are committed to ensuring every signature is evaluated carefully,” a spokesperson said, before asking if someone could double-check whether 7,432 plus 3,118 was “supposed to be that high.”

At press time, the legalization campaign confirmed it is reviewing legal options, while Florida officials were reportedly seen testing a new calculator “just to be safe.”

More updates expected once the equals button is located.