Governor Takes Too Many Edibles (25mg), Calls for Oklahoma Cannabis Shutdown

OKLAHOMA CITY - Oklahoma’s Governor visited his first licensed cannabis dispensary this week, was told to take 2.5mg, took 25mg instead, and within hours concluded that the safest course of action was to shut down the entire cannabis industry statewide.

According to dispensary staff, the Governor was clearly warned - gently, repeatedly, and in plain English - that edibles are not a toughness contest.

“He laughed,” said one budtender. “He said, ‘I’ll be fine.’ Then he ate the whole thing like it was a vitamin.”

The Dosage Disagreement

Witnesses say the Governor dismissed the recommended dose because he “knows his body” and “has a high tolerance for things,” though aides later clarified this tolerance was based primarily on black coffee and political stress.

After consuming ten times the suggested amount, the Governor reportedly asked how long edibles take to kick in, was told “up to two hours,” and responded, “That doesn’t sound scientific.”

It was.

Immediate Onset of Consequences

Roughly 40 minutes later, the Governor began experiencing symptoms commonly associated with edible hubris, including:

• Sudden awareness of his own heartbeat

• Deep concern about the concept of permanence

• Suspicion of overhead lighting

• A belief that the dispensary playlist was “personally aimed at him”

At one point, sources say the Governor stared at his hands for several minutes before asking if they “had always looked like that.”

He requested water, then silence, then asked if Oklahoma had always been in the middle of the country “on purpose.”

Emergency Response: Policy Edition

Several hours later, after being escorted home with the windows down and no music playing “just in case,” the Governor called an emergency press conference.

Visibly shaken, gripping a podium like it was holding him upright, the Governor announced his intention to shut down Oklahoma’s cannabis market immediately.

“This substance is dangerous,” he said. “I took one marijuana and experienced thoughts I did not consent to.”

When asked whether consuming ten times the recommended dose might have influenced the experience, the Governor rejected the premise.

“I followed my instincts,” he said. “And my instincts are usually right.”

Industry Reacts, Patiently

Oklahoma cannabis operators responded with a mix of frustration and familiarity.

“This is like chugging a bottle of tequila and outlawing limes,” said one dispensary owner. “We tell everyone to start low. He chose confidence.”

Another operator noted the irony.

“We’ve served millions of customers safely,” they said. “This is the first time the entire market might collapse because one man refused to read the label.”

Governor Still Recovering

At press time, aides confirmed the Governor was still feeling lingering effects and had requested:

• Dimmer lights in all rooms

• Shorter sentences from staff

• Assurance that the feeling would, in fact, end

He is expected to make a full recovery by the next morning, at which point sources say he plans to reaffirm his position and describe the incident as “deeply informative.”

Final Thoughts

Experts agree the situation could have been avoided if the Governor had:

• Listened to literally anyone

• Taken the suggested dose

• Not tried to prove something to a gummy

Instead, Oklahoma’s cannabis industry now faces an uncertain future after one man learned - far too late -that edibles do not care who you are.

More updates expected once the Governor stops asking aides whether time is “moving in layers.”