Exposés

DEA federally registered more than 900 medical marijuana dispensaries, then built a closed provider network complete with out-of-network growers, unresolved tax coverage and a rule requiring the government to buy cannabis crops and sell them straight back.

DENVER, CO — What was intended to be a festive Halloween costume contest at a local cannabis dispensary quickly descended into confusion Thursday after judges discovered that every single employee who placed in the competition was simply wearing their normal work clothes.

Florida regulators found wastewater leaving a Trulieve cultivation property without a permit. The company’s new meteorology division would prefer everyone call it a highly localized compliance system.

MISSOURI — In another inspiring example of the cannabis industry's unwavering commitment to putting people first, Agri-Genesis has reportedly celebrated its acquisition of Verts by introducing an exciting new employee benefits program called Go Fuck Yourself. The program, which management has not actually given that name, allows employees to experience the thrill of losing their accumulated paid time off while simultaneously enjoying the privilege of continuing to work a

SPRINGFIELD, MO — Following reports of a labor dispute involving employees at its Springfield dispensary, Greenlight Cannabis has reportedly announced plans to convert the entire company into a religious institution, a groundbreaking corporate restructuring designed to bring employees closer to God and considerably farther away from collective bargaining.

Effective immediately, Cookies will reportedly become Crackers, a sweeping fictional rebrand designed to distance the company from its mounting legal drama while finally creating a corporate identity that executives believe more accurately represents the people currently running it. “We spent a lot of time asking ourselves some difficult questions,” said a completely fictional company spokesperson. “Who are we? What do we stand for? What is our authentic connection to cannab

BOULDER, CO — Cannabis beverage company Keef has announced what executives are calling its “most intimate celebration of womanhood yet,” temporarily rebranding itself as Queef for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and promising consumers that every limited-edition can will contain something no male-owned beverage company has previously been brave enough to offer:

A Florida grand jury traced $8.5 million from a settlement involving health care for low-income children into the campaign against marijuana legalization. The DeSantis administration cannot remember who authorized the transfer, but it remains extremely pleased with the result.