Exposés

Somewhere deep inside Sacramento, a group of regulators looked at California’s collapsing cannabis tax structure, billions in unpaid liabilities, and operators bleeding out in slow motion… and decided the solution was finally here. Not lower taxes. Not enforcement reform. Not fixing the supply chain. No. Fingers.

This shit has officially crossed into performance art. Starting March 31, Texas is banning smokable hemp. No joints, no THCA flower, no “totally legal but definitely weed” loophole products that have been quietly keeping half the state relaxed and the other half pretending not to notice.

This shit has gone on way too fucking long in cannabis already, but unfortunately somewhere in America right now a cannabis “marketing team” is pitching what they believe is the boldest brand name ever conceived.

SAN FRANCISCO - Following the runaway success of his new book Legends, cannabis entrepreneur and Cookies founder Berner announced this week that he will be launching a national motivational speaking tour aimed at helping drug dealers transition into “creative entrepreneurs.”

MISSOURI — National vape brand Stiiizy has reportedly exited the Missouri cannabis market faster than a guy doing Olympic level math after hearing the phrase “I’m not on birth control.” The California powerhouse entered the state with the usual national brand playbook. Big reputation. Big marketing confidence. Big assumption that if a brand dominates shelves in Los Angeles, it will naturally dominate shelves everywhere else.

A cannabis industry CEO confirmed this week that his bold strategy of sliding into women’s LinkedIn direct messages has produced exactly zero romantic outcomes, leaving the executive both confused and mildly offended.

PHOENIX, AZ - Arizona lawmakers are considering a bill that would make “excessive cannabis smoke” a misdemeanor, creating what experts are calling the nation’s first legal framework where a cloud of cigarette smoke is patriotic, but a whiff of weed is criminal activity.

In a development that can only be described as aggressively convenient, the good people over at Ganjapreneur report that Missouri’s cannabis program has officially been deemed “fair” by the state auditor. Fair. Despite minor details like widespread licensing disputes, lawsuits, injunctions, accusations of scoring inconsistencies, and a courtroom conga line of disappointed applicants. But relax. It’s fair now. Because paperwork says so.