Arizona Launches “Best in Grass” — Ballots Immediately Sent for Recount & Audit.

Jan 27
2 min read

Arizona has officially launched its first statewide Best in Grass cannabis competition, allowing consumers to vote on weed quality across the state.

Naturally, the ballots are already being recounted.

Not because anything went wrong, just because this is Arizona, and the state physically cannot see a ballot without running it through at least four different agencies, two consultants, and one guy named Gary who “has concerns.”

The Voting Process

Consumers are invited to:

Try cannabis products
Cast a vote
Participate in democracy, weed-style

But don’t worry, your vote will not simply be counted.

It will be:

Recounted
Re-audited
Reviewed by the Department of Health of Services
And possibly flown to an undisclosed warehouse in Maricopa County for safekeeping

New Departments Created Overnight

Sources confirm Arizona has already formed several special oversight teams, including:

The Cannabis Ballot Integrity Task Force
The Terpene Signature Verification Unit
The Office of Suspiciously Loud Strains
The Provisional Pre-Roll Review Board

Any ballot submitted while listening to reggae will be flagged for additional review.

Mail-In Votes Cause Immediate Panic

Mail-in ballots, clearly labeled “Best in Grass”, have reportedly caused confusion among officials who:

Do not know what “terps” are
Are uncomfortable with sativas
And believe “hybrid” sounds political

Several counties have requested emergency funding to determine whether a rosin vote cast after 9pm “still counts.”

Chain of Custody (For Weed Opinions)

To preserve election integrity, Arizona regulators are ensuring:

Ballots are stored in climate-controlled rooms
Terp profiles are notarized
All judges abstain from consuming products until after the recount (voluntarily ignored)

One official was overheard asking whether “Best in Grass” could be certified if the Indica category “feels sleepy but confident.”

Final Results Expected Sometime Between Now and 2029

State officials say final winners will be announced after:

Three recounts
Two audits
One independent review by a former sheriff
And a ceremonial bong rip to restore public trust

Until then, Arizonans are encouraged to remain calm, keep their receipts, and remember:

Your weed vote matters. Even if it takes four years to count it.

— Boof du Jour Arizona: Where every ballot deserves a second, third, and extremely suspicious look.