The Full Boof

Somewhere between “Easy Apply” and “We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates,” there is a place. A real place. A stupid place. A place so hostile to hope it smells faintly of burnt resumes and LinkedIn Premium desperation. Every cannabis job listing you see on LinkedIn, Brand Manager, VP of Culture, Head of Growth (Must Love Compliance), is not actually intended to hire a human being. The listing exists solely to be funneled, via fiber-optic lie, to a remote facili

CHICAGO — What was supposed to be a historic step forward for hemp-derived THC beverages quickly turned into a citywide hydration emergency after the United Center began selling THC-infused drinks and was forced to hand out an estimated 50,000 free beers to angry guests who claimed the drinks did absolutely nothing.

Arizona has officially launched its first statewide Best in Grass cannabis competition, allowing consumers to vote on weed quality across the state. Naturally, the ballots are already being recounted. Not because anything went wrong, just because this is Arizona, and the state physically cannot see a ballot without running it through at least four different agencies, two consultants, and one guy named Gary who “has concerns.”

In a move that briefly restored everyone’s faith in humanity, Illicit Gardens announced it was transitioning to a fully employee-owned company. No VC vampires. No private equity spreadsheet necromancers. Just workers owning the thing they actually show up to every day. For about twelve beautiful seconds, the cannabis industry stood still. LinkedIn wept. Consultants nodded solemnly. Someone used the phrase “stakeholder alignment” without irony.

Welcome to Utah, where cannabis is strictly medical, aggressively regulated, and somehow still tastes like someone dissolved a Jolly Rancher in a gas station slushy machine. Utah lawmakers will swear, hand on scripture, that vape pens here are for patients, not pleasure. Which is wild, because if these are medical devices, then NyQuil should come in Mango Gelato. So we ran a little test. Call it science. Call it journalism. Call it the Utah Vape Pen Pepsi Challenge™.

According to sources who “definitely signed NDAs but are emotionally free,” Pax has been testing a new firmware update that uses behavioral analysis to determine whether you deserve to get high. If the device senses you might be a weed person, it simply… won't hit.

Dutchie this week unveiled its long-awaited All-In-One POS / Marketing / E-commerce / Intelligence Platform, and for once the product actually did everything leadership promised. It transformed. During a rollout demo at a midsize dispensary, witnesses report that after a Monster Energy drink was accidentally poured across a tablet register, the system entered what Dutchie later described as “a hardware-forward innovation state.”

An ICE officer in Minnesota learned the hard way that America’s culture war hits different when it comes in a slim aluminum can with tasteful typography. After finishing a shift spent aggressively interpreting paperwork, Officer Bradley “Brad” Stonewall stopped at a local liquor store to grab what he believed was a normal, patriotic seltzer. Clear can. Minimalist design. No screaming weed leaves. Just hydration, liberty, and plausible deniability.

In what experts are calling “the most honest cannabis branding of the decade,” Kash Patel has reportedly partnered with a cannabis edible company to launch a new line of gummies engineered to make your eyes look exactly like his. Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate access to “unused, und

In a move that legal experts are calling “technically impossible” and cannabis executives are calling “worth a shot,” Donald Trump announced today the creation of a brand-new immigration program specifically for cannabis license holders: the Greener Card™. Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate ac

This week, Winston Light announced a partnership with STIIIZY, the vape giant best known for selling millions of sleek pods to people who definitely say things like “nah I don’t really smoke flower.” The goal? Reinvigorate a brand that peaked when ashtrays were furniture and doctors were sponsored by tobacco companies.

By the time the CEO finishes saying “legacy” for the fourth time, you already know how this story ends. Not with community. Not with respect. With HR cc’d and the people who actually built this industry quietly escorted out the back door. Welcome to modern cannabis: where ownership speaks in hushed, reverent tones about where the plant came from while actively purging anyone who looks like they might’ve met it personally.

The cannabis sector rallied this week after Washington whispered the word “rescheduling” again, an event that reliably sends weed stocks sprinting into traffic like a neglected dog hearing keys jingle. Within hours, analysts were back on television explaining, earnestly, solemnly, with charts, that this time is different. Capital flooded in. Group chats lit up. Retail traders dusted off brokerage apps they swore they’d deleted in 2022. Somewhere, a junior analyst updated a Po

In a landmark transaction that will fundamentally change nothing except the font on the bag, Wyld has officially acquired Grön, creating the cannabis industry’s first fully interchangeable gummy ecosystem. The press release calls it “a major industry transaction. ”Budtenders call it “the moment my job officially became improv theater.”

This week, Vireo Growth announced it’s acquiring Eaze for $47 million, officially confirming two things: Weed delivery is “back,” according to executives with slides. Nothing in cannabis ever truly dies, it just gets recapitalized. If you felt a strange chill when you read the headline, that was the sound of a thousand former Eaze users checking their phones to make sure the app wasn’t already reinstalled.

Missouri didn’t just legalize cannabis. It legalized shortcuts. From day one, the state built a system where vertical integration dominates, cultivation, manufacturing, and retail bundled together under the same ownership umbrellas. On paper, it was supposed to create efficiency. In practice, it created a closed circuit where shelf space is decided long before a customer ever walks through the door.

Somewhere off a two-lane highway, behind a “No Trespassing” sign that hasn’t worked since Obama. Boof du Jour has located the source of your state’s most “exclusive,” “small-batch,” “hand-trimmed,” “top-shelf,” “award-winning” flower.

Trump “Rescheduling” Cannabis: What This Actually Does (And Who It Screws Anyway)

By Boof du Jour - The Only Publication Josh Can’t Roll Up and Smoke The resurrection of High Times  was supposed to be wholesome. A comeback story. A phoenix rising from 30 years of unpaid invoices and whatever that Reg A scam fever dream was supposed to be. Instead, the once-iconic brand has reportedly devolved into a workplace so unstable it makes Vice  look like a Fortune 500 development camp. Sources inside the RAW-powered High Times  reboot describe an atmosphere best su