The Full Boof

Curaleaf plans to take a stock-and-cash offer directly to Aurora shareholders after a private courtship both sides describe differently. Corporate cannabis has entered its hostile-wedding era.

American Patriot Brands began as The Grilled Cheese Truck, raised more than $30 million for a supposed cannabis empire, and ended with a federal judgment totaling nearly $43.9 million.

Following the state's sweeping crackdown on hemp-derived THC products, industry analysts say millions of Texans who purchased legal Delta-8, Delta-9 hemp, THCA, and other hemp-derived cannabinoids from licensed retailers now face an exciting new customer journey known simply as: "Text your cousin."

The drug-testing industry told a federal court that cannabis reform could cut medical review revenue by at least 35 percent, accidentally documenting how much prohibition is worth to the people paid to enforce it.

An Ohio cannabis candy fraud case inspires the industry’s most honest edible yet: Investor Gummies, infused with projections, delusion, and the sudden urge to wire money before asking questions.

GRAND RAPIDS, MI — As inflation continues to drive up the cost of food across America, one Michigan man says he has found a simple solution: stop buying food and start buying edibles. According to 34-year-old Tyler Jensen, the decision came after a routine trip to both the grocery store and his local dispensary left him asking a question that economists, regulators, and cannabis executives have been desperately trying to avoid:

Kentucky's Jason Nemes wants physicians and businesses prosecuted for following expanded qualifying conditions. The only problem? Every medical cannabis state in America has been following the exact same script for years.

After years of raids and promises to shut down illegal dispensaries, Los Angeles may have stumbled upon a simpler strategy: if you can't eliminate the black market, maybe it's time to send it an invoice.

After ignoring operators, economists, neighboring states, and basic arithmetic, Michigan officials are now investigating why their wholesale cannabis tax generated exactly the outcome everyone predicted.

DENVER, CO — According to industry insiders, cannabis operators across America are entering a new phase of strategic planning. It's called: "Getting Acquired Before We Run Out of Money." For years, cannabis executives gathered at conferences and investor meetings to discuss ambitious growth plans, market dominance, national expansion, and becoming the future of consumer packaged goods. Today, many of those same executives are spending their time cleaning up inventory records,

NEW YORK, NY — New York’s legal cannabis market is celebrating a major milestone after licensed dispensaries reportedly surpassed $5 million in daily sales. That would be great news if the illicit market wasn’t allegedly doing closer to $50 million per day. Which means New York’s legal cannabis industry is celebrating a full day of sales that the black market reportedly handles in about 2.4 hours.

n today’s episode of Corporate Delusion Olympics, a bargain-bin startup proudly strutted onto LinkedIn to announce a “DREAM JOB ALERT” for a marketing role… while offering a salary that screams, “We don’t respect your profession and we think exposure is a valid currency.”

There are a lot of ways to mess up cannabis. You can overprice it. You can under-trim it. You can package it like it’s trying to win a minimalist design award in 2016. But allegedly shipping THC that doesn’t match the label, plus mold, plus E. coli? That’s not a mistake. That’s a full-blown operational philosophy.

There are bad business decisions. There are dumb business decisions. And then there’s whatever the hell Tilray Brands allegedly thought it was doing here. Because according to a fresh lawsuit, the Bob Marley Estate is coming for roughly $11 million in unpaid royalties. Not in a friendly “let’s sort this out” way. More like a direct hit. Let’s be clear about something. This isn’t just any licensing deal. This is Bob fucking Marley.

Somewhere in America right now, a cannabis marketing platform is confidently telling a dispensary owner they can increase average order value. Not by a little. Not by accident. By design. With science. With AI. With a proprietary system nobody is allowed to ask questions about.

SEATTLE - After years of politely presenting velocity charts that no one read, margin reports that no one understood, and reorder recommendations that were described internally as “interesting but we’re going to go with our gut,” Headset’s newly integrated A.I. has reportedly taken decisive action.

Somewhere, a regulator is high-fiving himself in a windowless office because he “protected consumers” from the terrifying danger of a 25mg gummy. Meanwhile, Chad from accounting is on his ninth 10mg cube and chewing like a livestock animal. Welcome to the 10mg edible cap. The policy equivalent of putting a shot glass limit on tequila and acting shocked when everyone orders twelve.

In a stunning development that absolutely no one outside a cannabis executive Slack channel saw coming, several multi-state operators are now being sued by the Ohio Attorney General for allegedly doing the one thing capitalism is extremely clear about: Agreeing on prices. Together. On purpose.

In a move that legal experts are calling “technically impossible” and cannabis executives are calling “worth a shot,” Donald Trump announced today the creation of a brand-new immigration program specifically for cannabis license holders: the Greener Card™. Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate ac

Wall Street is popping champagne. Hamilton Beach is popping circuit breakers. The appliance company just posted shockingly strong earnings, not because America rediscovered smoothies, but because the cannabis industry has once again entered its most sacred season: Annual Holiday SKU Destruction Month.