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The Full Boof
Boof du Jour’s Inaugural 40 Under 40 Weeks Left to Operate
A Celebration of Excellence in Corporate Cliff-Diving, Cash Burn Rates, and the Art of Saying “We’re Fine” While Actively On Fire This...
Jun 18, 20255 min read
70-Year-Old Scotsman Busted for Running $3M Cannabis Grow, Claims It Was for Retirement Bingo Fund
“Aye, the pension wasn’t cutting it. Plus, I got tired of making jam.” GLASGOW, SCOTLAND — In a shocking-yet-inspiring turn of events,...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
RSO: The Most Overpriced Commodity in Cannabis Nobody Wants to Talk About
Margins Are Sky-High. Patients Are Broke. And the Market Calls It “Progress.” By Boof du Jour Market Intelligence Cannabis Industry...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
LeafLink’s “Fairness Through Fees” Model Inspires Widespread Vomiting Across Cannabis Supply Chain
Cannabis Commerce as Designed by a Toll Booth In an inspiring pivot toward financial self-immolation, LeafLink has unveiled a bold new...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Harvest Farm Group’s Latest Financial Filing Just Reads: “LMAO”
Do Not Invest, Do Not Pass GO, Do Not Let This Man Near A Farm Again LOS ANGELES — In a final, stunning demonstration of cannabis...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Acreage CFO Invents New Accounting Genre: Financial Fan Fiction
A visionary in creative math, Acreage’s CFO bypasses traditional reporting in favor of vibes, ambition, and whatever QuickBooks lets you...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
New York Cannabis Supply Chain Achieves Full Enlightenment Through Total Lack of Oversight
With no rules, no accountability, and absolutely no one watching the wheel, New York’s weed supply chain has entered its final form: pure...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
CCELL-ebrating Monopoly: How One Vape Giant is High on Market Domination
While regulators nap and brands rebrand, CCELL quietly steamrolls the vape game—one patented cartridge and offshore production run at a...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Celadon Executives Step Down to Spend More Time Not Being Investigated
After years of strategic mismanagement and vibes-based accounting, Celadon’s top brass gracefully retreat into the shadows—purely...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
Analysts Say Investing in Live Rosin Safer Than 401(k)
With markets in freefall and retirement accounts turning to mulch, experts now recommend dumping your savings into solventless extracts...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Cannabis Companies: Cash-Rich but Bank-Poor
They’ve got vaults full of cash, nowhere to put it, and CFOs learning how to Venmo vendors from burner phones. Welcome to weed’s unbanked...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
HEXO Announces NFT Series to Commemorate Every Bad Acquisition They’ve Ever Made
Each NFT captures a proud moment in HEXO’s long tradition of spending big, due diligencing never, and calling it “strategic growth”...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Trulieve CEO Kim Rivers Steps Down to Pursue Acting Career - Cast as Skeletor in Upcoming ‘Masters of the Universe’ Remake
After years of mastering vertical integration and vertical facial tension, Rivers trades shareholder calls for sword fights, bringing the...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Cookies Releases New $200 Hoodie That Comes With Free Eighth of Mids
Compiled while staring at a Cookies receipt and questioning everything Boofonomics Market Brief: Brand Hype, Retail Theft, and Berner’s...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
Weedmaps Goes Private Again to “Reconnect With Its Roots” – AKA, Helping Illegal Dispensaries Thrive
Analysts call it “a bold return to the cash-and-crumbs model that built the empire.” IRVINE, CA — In a deeply spiritual move that...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
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