The Full Boof

Missouri cannabis company Headchange has reportedly pushed solventless innovation into previously unexplored territory with the launch of Chocolate Starfish, a line of hash-infused chocolates shaped like tiny buttholes.

MONTGOMERY, AL — In a bold new effort to protect public health from the terrifying dangers of government-approved medicine, Alabama regulators have reportedly concluded that medical cannabis now ranks somewhere between uranium and unpasteurized raccoon milk on the state's official Danger Scale.

Trulieve, Curaleaf, Verano, a Green Thumb subsidiary, an AYR-linked holding company, and Ascend gave $11.5 million to a Trump-linked PAC, finally revealing who corporate cannabis thinks deserves social equity funding.

Michigan processor GCM Waypoint agreed to close after regulators alleged interstate cannabis transport, missing cartridges, empty tagged boxes, untagged material and major inventory failures.

Spirit Halloween has launched a cannabis incubator for companies with national ambitions, unpaid vendors and roughly 90 days before the lenders take the furniture. The faculty includes executives from Cannabist, PharmaCann, AYR, TerrAscend and FLUENT.

MADISON, WI — Oscar Mayer filed a trademark lawsuit this week against cannabis vape brand Select after allegedly discovering consumers had begun referring to Select's distillate as "hot dog water," leading the company to believe Select was attempting to capitalize on one of Oscar Mayer's most recognizable products.

ROANOKE, VA — Roanoke College announced this week the launch of a new bachelor's degree in cannabis, giving students the opportunity to spend four years mastering cultivation, extraction, chemistry, genetics, compliance, business strategy, and cannabis policy before entering the workforce to hear one life-changing question:

SACRAMENTO, CA — California regulators announced this week that they have officially opened an investigation into one of the cannabis industry's greatest unsolved mysteries: How does California weed keep showing up absolutely everywhere outside California?

Missouri's next microbusiness licensing round is meant to expand access. Boof investigates the rich white cannabis hopefuls, consultants, and “hardship” experts turning equity into a two-day costume rehearsal.

Critics say the DEA's marijuana rescheduling hearing was built to answer the question before the discussion even began. Boof examines a participant list, a process under fire, and the only mascot qualified to moderate it.

North Carolina lawmakers want to protect young people from hemp-derived cannabinoids by restricting purchases to those 21 and older. The only problem? The state already trusts some teenagers with significantly more life-altering decisions.

CHICAGO — Chaos erupted Tuesday morning at the Ignite Cannabis Capital Conference after multiple attendees reported seeing what experts believe may be the last remaining active cannabis investor in North America. Witnesses say the sighting occurred near the coffee station inside the Marriott Magnificent Mile shortly after 9:00 a.m., where a man wearing a navy blazer and carrying what appeared to be actual deployable capital was briefly observed attempting to enjoy a complimen

For the better part of a decade, the cannabis industry has been building what it believed was the future. Thousands of dispensaries. Billions of dollars in licenses, real estate, cultivation facilities, marketing campaigns, loyalty programs, mobile apps, rewards clubs, customer journeys, educational content, menu integrations, online ordering systems, curbside pickup programs, and enough SMS messages to qualify as psychological warfare. The pitch was simple: If co

Japan has banned CBN, a cannabinoid associated with relaxation and sleep, after regulators reportedly identified calmness as an emerging threat to productivity.

Massachusetts regulators are auditing cannabis THC potency testing after years of increasingly impossible lab results turned dispensary menus into radioactive fantasy novels masquerading as science.

There’s a special kind of poetry in cannabis branding. The kind where everyone is “family,” everything is “hand crafted,” and the flower is supposedly kissed into existence by moonlight, good intentions, and a mission statement nobody can afford to question.

In today’s episode of You Can’t Make This Shit Up, a cannabis CEO proudly declared, “I don’t use cannabis very often, but I think our vapes are the absolute best,” instantly earning the admiration of investors, LinkedIn thought leaders, and absolutely no one who’s ever actually inhaled anything besides flavored air.

In a stunning display of government competence (don’t get used to it), New Jersey authorities shut down a network of illegal weed vending machines this week, not because they were unsafe, but because they were making licensed dispensaries look like the DMV with mood lighting.

In an inspiring commitment to educational mediocrity, the University of New England announced the launch of its new cannabis industry program, a bold academic initiative staffed almost entirely by people whose résumés read like a Craigslist section titled Jobs I Almost Had.

“Banquet Salisbury Steak: Chef’s Signature RSO Drizzle” Because not every infused meal needs to involve saffron, microgreens, and a chef who calls himself an “alchemist.”