The Full Boof

Effective immediately, Cookies will reportedly become Crackers, a sweeping fictional rebrand designed to distance the company from its mounting legal drama while finally creating a corporate identity that executives believe more accurately represents the people currently running it. “We spent a lot of time asking ourselves some difficult questions,” said a completely fictional company spokesperson. “Who are we? What do we stand for? What is our authentic connection to cannab

BOULDER, CO — Cannabis beverage company Keef has announced what executives are calling its “most intimate celebration of womanhood yet,” temporarily rebranding itself as Queef for Breast Cancer Awareness Month and promising consumers that every limited-edition can will contain something no male-owned beverage company has previously been brave enough to offer:

A Florida grand jury traced $8.5 million from a settlement involving health care for low-income children into the campaign against marijuana legalization. The DeSantis administration cannot remember who authorized the transfer, but it remains extremely pleased with the result.

Madison Heights removes one Flock camera from a cannabis dispensary, creating a historic privacy zone where customers can show ID, join the loyalty program and complete a transaction beneath every other camera on the property.

After California recalls flower packaged with a collectible figurine, Backpackboyz finds the obvious solution: partner with BOOK IT! and count every eighth purchased as a completed book toward a free Personal Pan Pizza.

COLLEGE PARK, MD — The University of Maryland has sent a cease-and-desist letter to cannabis company Terps USA over its use of the word “Terps,” finally addressing one of the most serious intellectual property crises facing higher education today: people shortening the word terpenes.

Missouri cannabis company Headchange has reportedly pushed solventless innovation into previously unexplored territory with the launch of Chocolate Starfish, a line of hash-infused chocolates shaped like tiny buttholes.

MONTGOMERY, AL — In a bold new effort to protect public health from the terrifying dangers of government-approved medicine, Alabama regulators have reportedly concluded that medical cannabis now ranks somewhere between uranium and unpasteurized raccoon milk on the state's official Danger Scale.

Trulieve, Curaleaf, Verano, a Green Thumb subsidiary, an AYR-linked holding company, and Ascend gave $11.5 million to a Trump-linked PAC, finally revealing who corporate cannabis thinks deserves social equity funding.

Michigan processor GCM Waypoint agreed to close after regulators alleged interstate cannabis transport, missing cartridges, empty tagged boxes, untagged material and major inventory failures.

Spirit Halloween has launched a cannabis incubator for companies with national ambitions, unpaid vendors and roughly 90 days before the lenders take the furniture. The faculty includes executives from Cannabist, PharmaCann, AYR, TerrAscend and FLUENT.

MADISON, WI — Oscar Mayer filed a trademark lawsuit this week against cannabis vape brand Select after allegedly discovering consumers had begun referring to Select's distillate as "hot dog water," leading the company to believe Select was attempting to capitalize on one of Oscar Mayer's most recognizable products.

ROANOKE, VA — Roanoke College announced this week the launch of a new bachelor's degree in cannabis, giving students the opportunity to spend four years mastering cultivation, extraction, chemistry, genetics, compliance, business strategy, and cannabis policy before entering the workforce to hear one life-changing question:

SACRAMENTO, CA — California regulators announced this week that they have officially opened an investigation into one of the cannabis industry's greatest unsolved mysteries: How does California weed keep showing up absolutely everywhere outside California?

Missouri's next microbusiness licensing round is meant to expand access. Boof investigates the rich white cannabis hopefuls, consultants, and “hardship” experts turning equity into a two-day costume rehearsal.

Critics say the DEA's marijuana rescheduling hearing was built to answer the question before the discussion even began. Boof examines a participant list, a process under fire, and the only mascot qualified to moderate it.

North Carolina lawmakers want to protect young people from hemp-derived cannabinoids by restricting purchases to those 21 and older. The only problem? The state already trusts some teenagers with significantly more life-altering decisions.

CHICAGO — Chaos erupted Tuesday morning at the Ignite Cannabis Capital Conference after multiple attendees reported seeing what experts believe may be the last remaining active cannabis investor in North America. Witnesses say the sighting occurred near the coffee station inside the Marriott Magnificent Mile shortly after 9:00 a.m., where a man wearing a navy blazer and carrying what appeared to be actual deployable capital was briefly observed attempting to enjoy a complimen

For the better part of a decade, the cannabis industry has been building what it believed was the future. Thousands of dispensaries. Billions of dollars in licenses, real estate, cultivation facilities, marketing campaigns, loyalty programs, mobile apps, rewards clubs, customer journeys, educational content, menu integrations, online ordering systems, curbside pickup programs, and enough SMS messages to qualify as psychological warfare. The pitch was simple: If co

Japan has banned CBN, a cannabinoid associated with relaxation and sleep, after regulators reportedly identified calmness as an emerging threat to productivity.