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The Full Boof


Massachusetts Wants to Cancel Weed: $1.6 Billion on the Ballot
Massachusetts just certified a ballot petition to nuke its $1.6B adult-use cannabis industry. If it makes the ballot, every dispensary, cultivator, and brand in the state could be gone overnight. Welcome to the dumbest economic experiment since prohibition.
Sep 8, 20253 min read


Ohio Marijuana Card Leaks Patient Data: A $200 Gatekeeper With a Dropbox Addiction
Ohio Marijuana Card, a $200-a-visit medical card mill, left sensitive patient records exposed online. Our exposé uncovers Dropbox idiocy, leadership failures, and regulatory silence — a perfect case study in cannabis compliance theater and corporate weed rot.
Aug 26, 20252 min read


DRY‑LABGED & PROBATIONED: ASSURED TESTING’S REINSTATEMENT ISN’T REFORM — IT’S A RIGGED COMEBACK
Assured Testing Labs buried 7,000+ contaminated samples, got caught, paid $300K, and now they’re back — with biweekly check-ins and a PR audit team. Trust the system? Hell no. This isn’t oversight. It’s regulatory damage control.
Aug 25, 20252 min read


NUDE BEACH OFFSITE GOES SIDEWAYS: BREZ FOUNDER ARRESTED WHILE SCOUTING Q3 TEAM RETREAT
BREZ’s founder was arrested at a nude beach—but insiders say it was part of the brand’s radical transparency offsite. Just another day in cannabis wellness.
Aug 15, 20253 min read


TRAPCAM™: The First Surveillance Camera That Auto-Deletes Footage When It Detects a Cop
TrapCam™ claims to protect cannabis businesses—by deleting security footage if cops show up. It’s not compliance. It’s obstruction, sold as innovation.
Aug 13, 20254 min read


Marijuana Industry Just Paid $1 Million for a Back Rub from MAGA
Cannabis execs just wrote a million-dollar check to Trump’s Super PAC—and called it “advocacy.” We track the donor list, political spin, and the stench of desperation.
Aug 11, 20253 min read


BREAKING: Kyle Kazan Replaces Undocumented Workers with Oompa Loompas, Declares Himself "Mr. Wonka" of Weed
After an ICE raid rocked Glass House Farms, CEO Kyle Kazan reportedly replaced undocumented labor with Oompa Loompas — literally. This satirical exposé unpacks California weed’s most deranged pivot yet, where cosplay, compliance, and corporate delusion collide.
Aug 8, 20253 min read


The Yearly Weed Divorce Clause: Congress Extends Cannabis Protections Like a Bad Ex Who Won’t Move Out
Another fiscal year, another bullshit promise. Congress extends cannabis protections again—without real reform, without commitment, and without shame. Welcome to the Yearly Weed Divorce Clause.
Jul 30, 20253 min read


Weed Sprayed With Poison? Just Label It 'Sustainable': Inside New York’s Pesticide Recall and the Empire of Compliance Theater
New York’s latest cannabis recall proves one thing: the Office of Cannabis Management can’t manage shit. With pesticides in circulation and labs waving red flags weeks ago, regulators waited until the shelves were nearly empty to act.
Jul 24, 20253 min read


DeSantis Revokes MMJ Cards—Claims It’s About Safety, Not the Voices
Ron DeSantis just gutted Florida’s MMJ program—revoking cards from past drug offenders and calling it “safety.” We call it fascism, Florida-style.
Jul 17, 20253 min read


BOOF DU JOUR TESTS CBD AS A BINGE DRINKING CURE — Woke Up Crossfaded, Broke and Still Drunk
Inside our completely unscientific investigation into the “CBD prevents binge drinking” claim — featuring bad ideas, worse execution, and...
Jul 8, 20252 min read


“Support Your Local Cartel”: New Jersey Proposes Prison Time for Not Buying State-Approved Weed
In a bold new strategy to fight affordability, New Jersey lawmakers want to criminalize anyone who dares to skip the dispensary and buy...
Jun 25, 20254 min read


MASSACHUSETTS JUST DEREGULATED CANNABIS BY CALLING IT “EQUITY”
The CCC is dead. The MSOs are thrilled. And Beacon Hill just legalized corporate fuckery in broad daylight. BOSTON — In a state where...
Jun 23, 20254 min read


EX-GROWERS OF GREED: How Michigan Dispensary Timber Cannabis Fucked Their Own Workers
Timber Cannabis , the Michigan-born dispensary brand that looks like a co-working space, just settled a $205,000 lawsuit for wage...
Jun 17, 20253 min read


POLICY MALPRACTICE: INSIDE ARIZONA’S MOLDY WEED SCANDAL AND THE STATE AGENCY THAT JUST WATCHED
By Boof du Jour’s Investigative Desk (and black mold sample unit) Arizona’s cannabis testing system is broken. Not bureaucratic. Not...
Jun 12, 20253 min read


La Mota’s House of Cards: Oregon’s Favorite Cannabis Chain Can’t Stop Not Paying People
By Boof du Jour Investigations Unit PORTLAND, OR — In Oregon’s booming cannabis sector, where “compliance” means remembering to unlock...
Jun 4, 20253 min read


AUSTRALIA'S CANNABIS TELEHEALTH CIRCUS: Inside the Startup That Gave 12,000 People Weed—With Less Oversight Than a Toaster Warranty
By Boof du Jour Global Field Team SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — In a country where you still can’t legally buy a fucking vape with nicotine, a...
May 23, 20253 min read


$2M Anti-Aging Freak vs. Chuck from Enterprise—Who’s Actually Healthier?
In the world’s most unnecessary health showdown, we put Bryan Johnson—tech millionaire, human lab rat, and walking Neutrogena ad—head-to-head with Chuck—a 34-year-old assistant manager at Enterprise Car Rental who eats gas station sushi and owns exactly one towel.
May 22, 20252 min read


Puffcon 2025 Has Evolved Into a Giant Customer Support Center With Live DJs
If you've never seen a man openly weep while cradling a dab rig in 90-degree heat, you’ve never been to Puffcon 2025. What was once billed as a futuristic stoner utopia has now fully transitioned into a glorified vape exchange pop-up — part tech support summit, part Burning Man for broken electronics, and entirely unhinged.
May 21, 20253 min read


CBD, Lies, and RICO Charges: Medical Marijuana Inc. May Have Just Snorted the First Domino
By the Boof du Jour Investigative Division, Pissed Off and Fully Medicated SAN DIEGO, CA — It’s a tale as old as weed: slap a label on...
May 16, 20254 min read
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