Missouri Declares Cannabis Licensing “Fair” After Everyone Who Sued Magically Got a License

By Boof du Jour Investigative Desk

In a development that can only be described as aggressively convenient, the good people over at Ganjapreneur report that Missouri’s cannabis program has officially been deemed “fair” by the state auditor.

Fair.

Despite minor details like widespread licensing disputes, lawsuits, injunctions, accusations of scoring inconsistencies, and a courtroom conga line of disappointed applicants.

But relax.

It’s fair now.

Because paperwork says so.

The Definition of Fair Has Evolved

According to the report, the auditor found that while there were “issues” in the licensing process, the program itself was fundamentally fair.

Which is impressive.

Because in Missouri cannabis math, “hundreds of lawsuits” apparently equals “procedural hiccup.”

Even more impressive is the state’s conflict resolution strategy.

Step 1: Get sued.

Step 2: Quietly issue additional licenses to plaintiffs.

Step 3: Lawsuit disappears.

Step 4: Announce fairness.

Efficiency.

If you think about it, this is actually the most streamlined path to vertical integration ever created. Forget scoring. Just file suit.

The Licensing Hunger Games

For those who don’t remember, Missouri’s rollout included:

• Highly competitive scoring 

• Allegations of inconsistent evaluations 

• Applicants separated by fractions of a point 

• Entire businesses built on consultant optimism 

• A wave of lawsuits claiming the scoring was flawed

Critics argued the process rewarded connections and process navigation over actual operational merit.

Supporters said the process was rigorous and professional.

The state said, “We have reviewed ourselves and determined we did great.”

And now, apparently, everyone is supposed to nod.

The Miracle of Settlement

Observers noticed something fascinating.

Several plaintiffs who challenged the licensing results eventually received licenses through settlements or corrective measures.

Which is obviously just a coincidence.

The timing? Pure serendipity.

The optics? Totally normal.

Nothing screams “confidence in scoring integrity” like resolving litigation by expanding the pool.

It’s like a beauty pageant where contestants sue the judges and then suddenly everyone is crowned Miss Missouri Cannabis.

Fairness restored.

The Auditor Has Spoken

The Missouri State Auditor’s review essentially concluded that while administrative errors existed, there was no evidence of intentional wrongdoing.

Translation in cannabis industry dialect:

“Look, it was messy, but not criminal messy.”

Which is a comfort.

Sort of.

Meanwhile, operators who didn’t have the capital to litigate are left reading headlines about fairness and wondering if they should have hired a lawyer instead of a cultivation consultant.

The Real Take

Here’s the uncomfortable question nobody wants to say out loud:

If the system required lawsuits to correct outcomes, was it functioning as intended?

If licenses were reissued after legal pressure, does that reinforce trust or quietly confirm the original complaints had weight?

Missouri’s cannabis market is valuable. Limited licenses mean concentrated power. Concentrated power means concentrated scrutiny.

And when scrutiny turns into settlements, people notice.

Closing Thoughts From the Field

We are not saying the program was rigged.

We are not saying lawsuits equal guilt.

We are simply observing that in Missouri, fairness appears to be a process that improves dramatically once attorneys get involved.

The official position is that everything worked.

The unofficial position, whispered in dispensary back rooms, is that the scoreboard only lights up if you can afford the appeal.

But hey.

It’s fair now.

According to the audit.

And that’s what matters.

For now.