The Full Boof

This shit has gone on way too fucking long in cannabis already, but unfortunately somewhere in America right now a cannabis “marketing team” is pitching what they believe is the boldest brand name ever conceived.

MISSOURI — National vape brand Stiiizy has reportedly exited the Missouri cannabis market faster than a guy doing Olympic level math after hearing the phrase “I’m not on birth control.” The California powerhouse entered the state with the usual national brand playbook. Big reputation. Big marketing confidence. Big assumption that if a brand dominates shelves in Los Angeles, it will naturally dominate shelves everywhere else.

Somewhere between “Easy Apply” and “We’ve decided to move forward with other candidates,” there is a place. A real place. A stupid place. A place so hostile to hope it smells faintly of burnt resumes and LinkedIn Premium desperation. Every cannabis job listing you see on LinkedIn, Brand Manager, VP of Culture, Head of Growth (Must Love Compliance), is not actually intended to hire a human being. The listing exists solely to be funneled, via fiber-optic lie, to a remote facili

Arizona has officially launched its first statewide Best in Grass cannabis competition, allowing consumers to vote on weed quality across the state. Naturally, the ballots are already being recounted. Not because anything went wrong, just because this is Arizona, and the state physically cannot see a ballot without running it through at least four different agencies, two consultants, and one guy named Gary who “has concerns.”

According to three people who have sat in meetings with him since, a multi-state cannabis operator CEO recently returned from an ayahuasca retreat with less empathy, more confidence, and a brand-new way to explain why layoffs are actually healing.

The cannabis sector rallied this week after Washington whispered the word “rescheduling” again, an event that reliably sends weed stocks sprinting into traffic like a neglected dog hearing keys jingle. Within hours, analysts were back on television explaining, earnestly, solemnly, with charts, that this time is different. Capital flooded in. Group chats lit up. Retail traders dusted off brokerage apps they swore they’d deleted in 2022. Somewhere, a junior analyst updated a Po

The weed is mid, the vibes are tense, and I paid $75 to be judged by a man in loafers named Chadwick. Welcome to luxury cannabis for...

A Logistics Model so Unhinged it Somehow Makes DoorDash Look Like the Postal Service. TACOMA, WA —  I’ve just been nearly  run over by a...

Filed live from Atlantic City by your terp-scorched, eye-twitching Boof du Jour correspondent who just witnessed the SAP in action and...

Filed from California, where dreams go to get turned into vape carts and lawsuits LOS ANGELES —  It’s 10:13 AM and I’m already sweating...

“We're updating the model to just recommend GMO and say, ‘Hell yeah, bro.’ It's what the people want.” t’s 3:12 PM and I’m crammed into...

He didn’t cheat the game — he just played it a few centuries early. SEATTLE, WA  — Seth Yakatan didn’t rise through the cannabis ranks—he...

Live from the most embarrassing Memorial Day cannabis event in the country ST. CHARLES, MO —  It’s Memorial Day, and I’m standing in a...

A Case Study in Overbranding, Underdelivering, and Executive-Level Delusion LONDON —  Oxford Cannabinoid Technologies, once heralded as...

“Aye, the pension wasn’t cutting it. Plus, I got tired of making jam.” GLASGOW, SCOTLAND — In a shocking-yet-inspiring turn of events,...

Each NFT captures a proud moment in HEXO’s long tradition of spending big, due diligencing never, and calling it “strategic growth”...

Citing “low barriers to entry” and “vibes,” the state issued credentials to a man seen zipping down I-70 with flower, edibles, and what...

In the world’s most unnecessary health showdown, we put Bryan Johnson—tech millionaire, human lab rat, and walking Neutrogena ad—head-to-head with Chuck—a 34-year-old assistant manager at Enterprise Car Rental who eats gas station sushi and owns exactly one towel.

By Boof du Jour Staff  Inflation-choked, terp-deprived, and financially abused In an industry where a stale eighth already costs more...