Salvia fueled Elon now auditing backwoods of the Ozarks

I am Muskaline! I see all timelines!

OSAGE BEACH, MO — It’s 1:38 a.m. I’m hiding behind what I thought was a hay bale, but it’s just a stack of novelty weed pillows someone labeled “VIP Lounge.” My mouth tastes like expired gummies, my shoes are missing, and Elon Musk is gone.

This all started as Boof du Jour’s Worst of 4/20 Awards — a perfectly unserious event to celebrate the absolute lowest efforts in cannabis. It quickly spiraled when Donald Trump showed up to introduce himself as a “partner” in Good Day Farm, which feels like a war crime in slow motion.

Trump gave a rambling speech that opened with “I love the marijuana,” and ended with him accusing the photo booth operator of election fraud. But Musk? Musk took one hit off a random pipe and said he “unlocked the Arkansas gateway.”

Sources say he thought it was weed. It was Salvia. The strong shit. The kind of hit that reboots your soul and deletes your browser history.

He screamed, “I am Muskaline! I see all timelines!” Then he ran — full sprint — into the night.

BREAKING: Last Known Photo of Musk

We’ve now obtained the last image of him on-site. It's... a lot.

He’s mid-stride through a field of weed, joint clenched sideways in his teeth, eyes half-closed like someone hit “shuffle” on his facial expressions. And yes — he’s wearing a Good Day Farm tank top. Nobody knows where he got it. Staff deny ever printing them.

BREAKING: Last sighting of Muskaline before he vanished into the Ozark ether. [Image courtesy of whoever found his phone in a porta potty.]

One eyewitness said they saw him whispering to a corn dog. Another swears he was trying to “Bluetooth pair” with a tree.

No One Is Prepared

Search efforts were briefly organized but collapsed after everyone realized the GPS tracker was actually just a Delta-8 vape someone taped to a raccoon. No law enforcement presence. No press. Just a crowd of fried attendees watching the sky, waiting for a tweet from the void.

A vendor near the perimeter says Musk told them he was “rebooting Twitter in rural Missouri” and “needed to speak to the goats.”

He has not returned.

As of now, Muskaline is still missing, and Donald Trump was last seen giving marketing advice to someone in a Mr. Nice Guy hoodie.