VEGAS WEED LOUNGES POST-SMOKING BAN — BLACK MARKET CELEBRATES

LAS VEGAS, NV — I’m perched on a stiff barstool inside a cannabis club that now feels like a defanged strip mall Starbucks—because Las Vegas just decreed: No indoor smoking. That means piercing the haze of vape juice, joints, bubblers—every goddamn joyful puff—has been officially outlawed.

The result? Casinos still slam Fireball shots into rung-out tourists by the gallon, but if you want a proper blunt? You’re better off wandering into the dumpster alley behind Crate Lounge, where the black-market lounges are throwing their own goddamn welcome wagons.

INSIDE CRATE LOUNGE: SMOKELESS APOCALYPSE

Crate Lounge used to be thick with terpene fog. Now it’s as flavorful as decaf oat milk:

• Vapes uncharged and half-functioning handed out like welfare hardware

• A “Shatter Showcase” featuring disposable dabs that evaporate if you even sneer

• Bouncers frisking for butane torches like contraband in a kindergarten drop-off
  

One dude, stewing over a limp pod, leaned in and growled:

“Ban blunt smoking but let 100,000 drunks puke at Cirque du Soleil? This is Vegas fucking irony.”

BACK‑ALLEY BLACK MARKET: SMOKE‑SOAKED HEAVEN

Ten feet through a plywood door marked “The Smolder Pit – No Guise, All Dank”, and welcome to the underground:

• Hot‑boxed rooms jammed with rogue joints and rosin rigs

• Seats made from old casino chairs with drink holders full of murky red Solo cups

• A velvet rope and $20 “donation” gets you in—deposit includes a hemp-infused Red Bull
  

A bartender with a bleached mullet and more tats than a biker said:

“Regulators handed us a blueprint. We just filled in the red lines with hash oil.”

Sharing joint advice while a jackpot chime echoes down the hall. This, friends, is Las Vegas irony in living color.

REGULATORS CALLED IT ‘PUBLIC HEALTH’—ROLL ON

Clark County public health rep Susan Wainwright deadpanned in a press release:

“This ensures lounges remain smoke‑free indoor spaces for responsible CBD consumption.”

Right—because CBD karaoke is the new national sport. Meanwhile, the casino across the street poured whiskey into mouths all night.

Look, Vegas regulators banned cannabis smoke in weed lounges but allow casino floor fumes, slot-machine dust, and $1 Fireball chugging. That’s not public health—it’s a compliance theater with soot-covered teeth and a price tag.

DISNEYLAND FOR VAPISTS

Legal lounges like Holistic Healing and Umbra Lounge are drowning:

• Offering “vape yoga”—yes, a literal downward dog to avoid inhalation violations

• Selling CBD-infused chamomile tea with every pre-roll—because nobody paid for weed, they paid for tea

• Promoting half-baked job titles like “Director of No Inhalation Compliance” and “Chief Compliance Czar”

One manager sighed:

“Our sales are zero. People walk in, smell the fridge, leave to smoke 20 feet away. That’s the dumbest pyramid ever.”

TOURISTS & INFLUENCERS LOST AF

I caught an influencer livestreaming from Crate—30k followers nodding along to some sterile cannabis iced latte.

Her moment of truth came when a kid with a tattoo-face offered her a fat joint out back.

“We want the vibe… minus the glow,” she gasped, megawatt grin plastered on while they exhaled real smoke behind her live mic.

That’s Vegas: sensation seekers, entitlement, and nobody noticing the obvious bribe in public.

BLACK MARKET SKETCH — “THE SMOLDER PIT”

The Smolder Pit menu:

• “Freddy’s Banana Hash Brownies” — made from pancakes, not hash

• Rig rentals priced like shitty Uber surcharges

• “Surprise Boxes” of prerolled crime with names like “Karma’s a Bitch”
  

It’s so thoroughly unregulated, they don’t even pretend. They’re celebrating the ban. Their sign out front: “Vegas Police Approved—Cash Only.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

This ban isn’t protecting us—it’s protecting somewhere else entirely: the casino moguls, the developers, the makers of CBD slime masks.

They banned the smoke to save the lounges? That’s like outlawing nudity in a strip club, marketing it as a hygiene upgrade, and wondering why the burlesque crowd lit the joint across the street.