The Full Boof

COLUMBUS, OH - After years of insisting cannabis marketing resemble a hospital pamphlet written by a risk-averse insurance adjuster, Ohio regulators have officially announced that cannabis advertising may now look “recreational.”

New York finally enforced the billboard rules everyone pretended not to read. The signs came down quietly. Ownership panicked loudly. Marketing took the blame, as tradition demands.

Dutchie this week unveiled its long-awaited All-In-One POS / Marketing / E-commerce / Intelligence Platform, and for once the product actually did everything leadership promised. It transformed. During a rollout demo at a midsize dispensary, witnesses report that after a Monster Energy drink was accidentally poured across a tablet register, the system entered what Dutchie later described as “a hardware-forward innovation state.”

An ICE officer in Minnesota learned the hard way that America’s culture war hits different when it comes in a slim aluminum can with tasteful typography. After finishing a shift spent aggressively interpreting paperwork, Officer Bradley “Brad” Stonewall stopped at a local liquor store to grab what he believed was a normal, patriotic seltzer. Clear can. Minimalist design. No screaming weed leaves. Just hydration, liberty, and plausible deniability.

In a move that legal experts are calling “technically impossible” and cannabis executives are calling “worth a shot,” Donald Trump announced today the creation of a brand-new immigration program specifically for cannabis license holders: the Greener Card™. Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate ac

Dateline: Emergency Rooms in Massachusetts, Mississippi, New York, and Illinois It’s 2:17 a.m. The ER doors slide open. A nurse sighs. Another man steps forward, sweating, clutching a clipboard, eyes wide with regret and pride in equal measure. The waiting room is quiet in the way only medical crises get, except for the unmistakable posture. The stance. The problem.

What began as a routine “solidarity outreach” event between UFCW Local 21 organizers and cannabis workers ended Tuesday afternoon in chaos, confusion, and a fully sanctioned strike - against the union itself - after several organizers reportedly tried weed for the first time and immediately realized they were the problem.

Trump “Rescheduling” Cannabis: What This Actually Does (And Who It Screws Anyway)

A Michigan dispensary got caught giving away nearly 2,000 grams of concentrate under a fake name — so in a last-ditch PR stunt straight out of a fever dream, they hosted a statewide gathering of every real Chris Peterson they could find. It didn’t prove innocence, but it did prove how far the cannabis industry will go to avoid admitting it screwed up.

Congress didn’t tighten hemp rules — they accidentally carpet-bombed the entire industry. With one sloppy amendment, they killed Delta-8, THCA, minor cannabinoids, and most CBD products. Boof du Jour breaks down the federal panic attack that turned hemp into contraband overnight.

The Supreme Court just made the hemp industry’s worst nightmare come true: mislabeling “THC-Free” can now count as racketeering. Boof du Jour breaks down how a mislabeled bottle turned every CBD brand into a crime syndicate with better stationery.

Eaze was once the “Uber of weed.” After bankruptcy and a fire sale, the brand has reappeared in San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury. But the comeback feels less like a rebirth and more like a hospice wing for a unicorn that investors already buried.

California cut its cannabis excise tax from 19% to 15%, a supposed lifeline for a $4B market already on life support. Will this revive legal weed—or just delay the obituary?

After a court ruled her firing unlawful, Shannon O’Brien was reinstated as CCC Chair — only to be suspended again on appeal. Massachusetts cannabis regulation has officially turned into compliance theater with billion-dollar stakes.

Massachusetts just certified a ballot petition to nuke its $1.6B adult-use cannabis industry. If it makes the ballot, every dispensary, cultivator, and brand in the state could be gone overnight. Welcome to the dumbest economic experiment since prohibition.

New York’s cannabis regulators admitted they’ve been measuring the school buffer wrong for three years — now 152 operators face shutdowns, a $15M fund skips existing stores, and compliance has devolved into spreadsheets, lawsuits, and Form 6399-FU.

Trulieve calls it “pruning to bloom.” The reality? Exiting California, Massachusetts, and Nevada while bragging about 725,000 loyalty members — and still ignoring the death of Lorna McMurrey. Our exposé uncovers regulator silence, financial spin, and a company pivoting straight into a mountain.

Assured Testing Labs buried 7,000+ contaminated samples, got caught, paid $300K, and now they’re back — with biweekly check-ins and a PR audit team. Trust the system? Hell no. This isn’t oversight. It’s regulatory damage control.

A federal court just ruled New York’s “social equity” weed licenses unconstitutional. Turns out, excluding 49 states isn’t reform — it’s just illegal.

Trump mentioned weed. The agencies are still broken. And now the federal cannabis strategy is a four-way clusterfuck with no safe word. Rescheduling is the headline — but the chaos behind it is where the real story lives.