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The Full Boof
Boof du Jour Presents: The Worst of 4/20 Awards 2026
The Invitations No One Wanted to Receive
No one admits how nervous they were when the invites went out.
They’ll joke about it now. Post about it. Laugh it off in Slack threads and group chats. But when those envelopes first landed, no return address, no branding, just a matte black card that read “You’ve been nominated. Attendance strongly recommended.”, people checked the categories twice.
Some checked with legal.
Others checked their last three product launches.
Apr 1712 min read
BREAKING: Dosist Hit With Class Action After Women Accidentally Load Disposables Into Their Vaginas Like Misguided NASA Probes
The universe has finally granted us a lawsuit so stupid, so chaotically on-brand for this industry, it feels like performance art. A class action has officially been filed against Dosist after hospitals across the country reported a surge of women showing up with what doctors have gently described as “vape-related internal confusion.”
Translation:
Women are shoving Dosist disposables into their vaginas like they’re launching a NASA mission to microdose their uteruses.
Apr 83 min read
New York Brings in Pam Bondi to Run OCM, Finally Solves Problem by Simply Saying There Isn’t One
ALBANY, NY — After years of delays, lawsuits, licensing gridlock, and a thriving unlicensed market that moves product faster than the legal side can schedule a meeting about it, New York has officially found its solution
Just stop calling it a problem.
In a bold, galaxy-brain pivot, the state has tapped Pam Bondi to lead the New York Office of Cannabis Management, citing her “proven ability to confidently describe any situation as going extremely well, regardless of what is v
Apr 22 min read
Connected Launches Infused Kit Kat Bar Days After 400,000 Regular Kit Kats Mysteriously Disappear
In what executives are calling “perfectly normal timing” and everyone else is calling “come on, man,” Connected has officially announced the launch of its new infused chocolate bar… a suspiciously familiar wafer-based product that looks, tastes, and snaps exactly like a Kit Kat. The announcement comes less than a week after reports surfaced that over 400,000 Kit Kat bars vanished during a transit heist that authorities have described as “weirdly specific” and “honestly kind o
Apr 22 min read
Ohio Protects Children by Replacing Weed Drinks With Alcohol That Tastes Like Recess
Ohio looked at low-dose THC drinks, saw a calm, predictable experience, and said, “absolutely not.” Then they turned around and greenlit an entire aisle of alcoholic beverages that look like they were designed during a sugar rush at Chuck E. Cheese.
Mar 232 min read
Newsom Finalizes Cannabis Tax Amnesty Program, Accepting “Yakuza-Style” Finger Offerings for Debt Relief
Somewhere deep inside Sacramento, a group of regulators looked at California’s collapsing cannabis tax structure, billions in unpaid liabilities, and operators bleeding out in slow motion… and decided the solution was finally here.
Not lower taxes.
Not enforcement reform.
Not fixing the supply chain.
No.
Fingers.
Mar 182 min read
Texas Bans Hemp Joints, Confirms Truck Stop Meth Pipes Still “Within Regulatory Spirit” at Buc-ee's
This shit has officially crossed into performance art. Starting March 31, Texas is banning smokable hemp. No joints, no THCA flower, no “totally legal but definitely weed” loophole products that have been quietly keeping half the state relaxed and the other half pretending not to notice.
Mar 182 min read
Los Angeles Launches Cannabis Tax Amnesty Program After Discovering the Entire Industry Is Broke
Los Angeles is considering a cannabis tax amnesty program after discovering more than 500 licensed operators collectively owe roughly $400 million in unpaid taxes. The proposal may recover only a fraction of the debt, exposing a harsh reality the industry has been ignoring for years: the economics of legal cannabis in California never worked.
Mar 114 min read
Arizona Considers Misdemeanor for Smelling Like Weed in Public While Thousands Continue Enjoying Cancer
PHOENIX, AZ - Arizona lawmakers are considering a bill that would make “excessive cannabis smoke” a misdemeanor, creating what experts are calling the nation’s first legal framework where a cloud of cigarette smoke is patriotic, but a whiff of weed is criminal activity.
Mar 52 min read
AMERICA DISCOVERS 10MG EDIBLE CAP MAY BE SINGLE-HANDEDLY FUNDING BIG INSULIN
Somewhere, a regulator is high-fiving himself in a windowless office because he “protected consumers” from the terrifying danger of a 25mg gummy.
Meanwhile, Chad from accounting is on his ninth 10mg cube and chewing like a livestock animal.
Welcome to the 10mg edible cap. The policy equivalent of putting a shot glass limit on tequila and acting shocked when everyone orders twelve.
Feb 203 min read
Ohio Finally Allows Cannabis Ads to Look “Recreational,” Immediately Panics About What That Means
COLUMBUS, OH - After years of insisting cannabis marketing resemble a hospital pamphlet written by a risk-averse insurance adjuster, Ohio regulators have officially announced that cannabis advertising may now look “recreational.”
Jan 213 min read
Field Dispatch: New York Orders the Billboards Down, Ownership Immediately Blames Marketing
New York finally enforced the billboard rules everyone pretended not to read. The signs came down quietly. Ownership panicked loudly. Marketing took the blame, as tradition demands.
Jan 202 min read
Dutchie’s New “All-In-One” Platform Achieves Full Physical Form, Grows Teeth, Immediately Freezes
Dutchie this week unveiled its long-awaited All-In-One POS / Marketing / E-commerce / Intelligence Platform, and for once the product actually did everything leadership promised.
It transformed.
During a rollout demo at a midsize dispensary, witnesses report that after a Monster Energy drink was accidentally poured across a tablet register, the system entered what Dutchie later described as “a hardware-forward innovation state.”
Jan 153 min read
ICE Officer Accidentally Drinks THC Seltzer, Discovers His Entire Family Is Immigrants, Arrests Himself
An ICE officer in Minnesota learned the hard way that America’s culture war hits different when it comes in a slim aluminum can with tasteful typography.
After finishing a shift spent aggressively interpreting paperwork, Officer Bradley “Brad” Stonewall stopped at a local liquor store to grab what he believed was a normal, patriotic seltzer. Clear can. Minimalist design. No screaming weed leaves. Just hydration, liberty, and plausible deniability.
Jan 153 min read
Trump Announces New “Greener Card” for Cannabis Licensees, Grants Immediate Access to Venezuelan Farmland
In a move that legal experts are calling “technically impossible” and cannabis executives are calling “worth a shot,” Donald Trump announced today the creation of a brand-new immigration program specifically for cannabis license holders: the Greener Card™.
Unlike the traditional Green Card, which requires paperwork, time, and a basic understanding of reality, the Greener Card fast-tracks licensed cannabis operators directly to Venezuela, where they are granted immediate ac
Jan 132 min read
FIELD DISPATCH: ERs Report “Unprecedented Confidence” After Alleged 1906-Viagra Cross-Contamination
Dateline: Emergency Rooms in Massachusetts, Mississippi, New York, and Illinois
It’s 2:17 a.m. The ER doors slide open. A nurse sighs. Another man steps forward, sweating, clutching a clipboard, eyes wide with regret and pride in equal measure. The waiting room is quiet in the way only medical crises get, except for the unmistakable posture. The stance. The problem.
Jan 72 min read
UFCW Local 21 Goes on Strike Against Itself After Members Accidentally Do a Dab
What began as a routine “solidarity outreach” event between UFCW Local 21 organizers and cannabis workers ended Tuesday afternoon in chaos, confusion, and a fully sanctioned strike - against the union itself - after several organizers reportedly tried weed for the first time and immediately realized they were the problem.
Dec 17, 20253 min read
Trump “Rescheduling” Cannabis: What This Actually Does (And Who It Screws Anyway)
Trump “Rescheduling” Cannabis: What This Actually Does (And Who It Screws Anyway)
Dec 16, 20253 min read
The Chris Peterson Invitational: Muha Meds’ Big, Beautiful, Stupid Alibi
A Michigan dispensary got caught giving away nearly 2,000 grams of concentrate under a fake name — so in a last-ditch PR stunt straight out of a fever dream, they hosted a statewide gathering of every real Chris Peterson they could find. It didn’t prove innocence, but it did prove how far the cannabis industry will go to avoid admitting it screwed up.
Nov 15, 20254 min read
Hemp’s Last Stand: Congress Accidentally Nukes a Whole Industry Because They Don’t Know What the Hell a Cannabinoid Is
Congress didn’t tighten hemp rules — they accidentally carpet-bombed the entire industry. With one sloppy amendment, they killed Delta-8, THCA, minor cannabinoids, and most CBD products. Boof du Jour breaks down the federal panic attack that turned hemp into contraband overnight.
Nov 14, 20254 min read
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