Dispensary Halloween Costume Contest Accidentally Won by Employees Wearing Their Normal Clothes

Judges reportedly struggled to distinguish between elaborate Halloween costumes and the store's regular collection of emotionally distressed cartoon characters.

DENVER, CO — What was intended to be a festive Halloween costume contest at a local cannabis dispensary quickly descended into confusion Thursday after judges discovered that every single employee who placed in the competition was simply wearing their normal work clothes.

The dispensary, which had encouraged employees to dress up for Halloween, reportedly awarded first, second, and third place to three budtenders who had made absolutely no effort to participate.

"We thought everyone really went all out this year," said store manager Derek Collins. "Turns out that's just how these fucking people dress."

First place went to a 24-year-old budtender wearing oversized JNCO jeans, a cropped Korn T-shirt, a wallet chain, six facial piercings, and a pair of platform boots that appeared to have been manufactured for industrial demolition.

Judges initially believed the employee was dressed as a background character from a post-apocalyptic video game.

"No, this is literally what I wore yesterday," the employee explained while accepting a $100 dispensary gift card. "I actually thought today was Wednesday."

Second place was awarded to a female employee sporting neon-green hair, bleached eyebrows, fishnet sleeves, a skirt made entirely of belts, and enough facial jewelry to trigger a TSA security incident from across the parking lot.

The judging panel described her costume as "a terrifyingly accurate portrayal of a possessed Hot Topic employee."

She later clarified that she was actually dressed for a job interview at a nearby coffee shop.

Third place went to a 27-year-old male budtender wearing a Pokémon beanie, a vintage NASCAR jacket, pajama pants covered in cartoon mushrooms, and Crocs decorated with miniature plastic dinosaurs.

"I thought he was supposed to be a homeless Pokémon trainer," Collins admitted. "But apparently that's just Tyler."

Management Admits It Hasn't Known What Anyone Is Supposed to Look Like Since 2019

According to dispensary management, the confusion began when employees started arriving for their shifts in increasingly elaborate outfits that appeared to represent various stages of an identity crisis.

"We used to have a dress code," Collins explained. "Black shirt, jeans, closed-toe shoes. Pretty straightforward. Now we've got a guy who dresses like a Victorian vampire selling eighths next to a girl who looks like she escaped from a Japanese arcade."

The dispensary reportedly abandoned its dress code in 2022 after management realized enforcing it would require explaining to employees why wearing a dog collar, elf ears, and a tactical vest to work might be considered unprofessional.

"At a certain point, you just stop asking questions," Collins said. "Last week, one of our employees showed up wearing a full-length leather trench coat and ski goggles. It was 84 degrees outside. He was our top salesperson."

Customers Reportedly Unaware Halloween Was Happening

Several customers interviewed outside the dispensary admitted they hadn't noticed anything unusual about the employees' appearances.

"I come here three times a week," said longtime customer Gary Mitchell, 56. "There's always some kid behind the counter dressed like a bisexual wizard from the year 3000. I just figured that's what they wear now."

Another customer said she assumed the contest had been running for months.

"I thought the guy with the giant ear gauges and the skeleton gloves was dressed as a character from a horror movie," she explained. "Then I realized he's been wearing that exact outfit since April."

One customer reportedly attempted to compliment an employee on their convincing zombie costume before discovering the employee had simply been working six consecutive closing shifts.

The Only Employee Who Actually Wore a Costume Finished Last

In perhaps the most devastating development, the only employee who intentionally dressed up for Halloween finished dead last.

Assistant manager Brandon Lewis, 32, arrived wearing a professionally purchased inflatable dinosaur costume.

Judges awarded him zero points for creativity, with one describing the outfit as "a little basic compared to everyone else."

"I spent $65 on this fucking thing," Lewis said. "Meanwhile, Kyle rolled out of bed looking like a divorced circus performer and won a hundred bucks."

Lewis reportedly removed the costume halfway through his shift after realizing he was the only person in the building who looked ridiculous on purpose.

Dispensary Announces Plans to Cancel Next Year's Contest

Following the incident, management announced that future Halloween costume contests would require employees to submit photographs of themselves wearing their normal clothes for comparison.

The proposal was immediately criticized by staff members, who argued that their personal style was constantly evolving and could not be accurately documented.

One employee reportedly threatened to contact HR after being asked whether the horns attached to their forehead were part of their costume.

"Those are my everyday horns," the employee explained.

Despite the controversy, Collins insists the dispensary remains committed to fostering an inclusive workplace where employees can express themselves freely.

"We love our staff, and we support individuality," Collins said. "But when your entire workforce looks like the character selection screen from a game that hasn't been released yet, maybe Halloween just isn't your holiday."

At press time, the dispensary's regional manager had arrived wearing khakis, a tucked-in polo shirt, and a company-issued name badge.

Employees immediately awarded him first place in an impromptu costume contest after assuming he was dressed as a corporate narc.