FIELD DISPATCH: We Found the “Premium” Indoor Flower - It’s an Outdoor Field Wearing a Blazer

josephsmithsbestfr
Dec 20, 2025
2 min read

By Boof du Jour

Somewhere off a two-lane highway, behind a “No Trespassing” sign that hasn’t worked since Obama.

Boof du Jour has located the source of your state’s most “exclusive,” “small-batch,” “hand-trimmed,” “top-shelf,” “award-winning” flower.

It is… an outdoor field.

Not a greenhouse. Not a hybrid.Not a cutting-edge indoor facility humming with HVAC and whispered affirmations.

An actual dirt-ass field. Sun. Wind. Bugs. The whole National Geographic experience.

And according to at least half the brands in the state, this is where their premium flower is born.

THE FACILITY (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT)

Picture this: Rows of cannabis stretching to the horizon like Iowa corn, except instead of farmers in overalls you’ve got brand reps in All-birds taking Instagram stories and saying words like “terroir” and “expression.”

This is a white-label outdoor grow so prolific it could feed three states and still have enough biomass left over to fuel a dozen “limited drops.”

Inside the office trailer (yes, trailer), there’s a whiteboard listing:

Brand A – “Reserve”
Brand B – “Craft”
Brand C – “Legacy Line”
Brand D – “Founder’s Cut”

Same plants. Different stickers. Different fonts. Different lies.

THE TRANSFORMATION: HOW OUTDOOR WEED BECOMES “PREMIUM”

Here’s how the magic works:

Grow everything outdoors Full sun, inconsistent nutrients, nature doing nature things.
Harvest it all at once Doesn’t matter what the cultivar “wants.” Winter is coming and rent is due.
Split the harvest into piles
- Pile A: becomes “Top Shelf”
- Pile B: becomes “Artisan”
- Pile C: becomes “Value”
- Pile D: mysteriously disappears and reappears as pre-rolls
Rename it aggressively The same flower that sold for $800/lb last month is now a “$60 eighth — limited phenotype.”

This isn’t cultivation. This is menu alchemy.

THE COMPARISON YOU CAN’T UNSEE

This facility is the cannabis equivalent of:

A factory farm chicken getting rebranded as “heritage free-range” because someone played jazz nearby.
Costco vodka poured into 12 different bottles and sold as “small-batch distillery reserve.”
McDonald’s beef reintroduced as “farm-to-table” because the cow once saw grass.

Calling this stuff “premium indoor” is like calling a lawn chair an Eames because you charged more for it.

THE BRANDS (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

We won’t name names. But if your brand story includes:

“Our flower is cultivated with intention”
“We partner with expert growers”
“Every batch tells a story”

And your COA smells like August heat and grasshoppers? Congrats. Your story is fiction.

THE REAL JOKE

The funniest part isn’t the outdoor weed. Outdoor weed can be great.

The joke is the cosplay.

The white coats. The whispered dispensary language. The budtenders trained to say “this one’s different” while holding the same damn flower they sold yesterday under another name.

This entire operation is just fast fashion cannabis:

Same factory
Same product
New drop every Friday
Markup justified by vibes

FINAL NOTE FROM THE FIELD

We’re not mad at the grow. We’re mad at the bullshit.

If it’s outdoor, say it. If it’s white-label, say it. If your “premium” line shares DNA, soil, and harvest dates with your clearance flower, maybe stop charging people like they’re idiots.

Because the plant doesn’t lie.

But apparently everyone else does.