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Harvest Farm Group’s Latest Financial Filing Just Reads: “LMAO”

  • Writer: Boof du Jour
    Boof du Jour
  • Jun 18
  • 2 min read
Do Not Invest, Do Not Pass GO, Do Not Let This Man Near A Farm Again
Do Not Invest, Do Not Pass GO, Do Not Let This Man Near A Farm Again

LOS ANGELES — In a final, stunning demonstration of cannabis capitalism at its most unhinged, Mark Roy Anderson—a 70-year-old Beverly Hills “entrepreneur” best known for spending more time in federal prison than on actual farmland—has been sentenced to 25 years for a cannabis scam so deranged it might as well have IPO’d on LinkedIn.


Anderson raised $18 million for his hemp “startup,” Harvest Farm Group, despite:


  • Owning no harvest.

  • Having no farm.

  • Being on federal supervised release for previous fraud charges during the pitch.


Boof Index Rating: 98.7% Boofed


  • ⛏️ No cultivation.

  • 🧪 No lab.

  • 🏛️ Still had more investor capital than most actual operators.

  • 🎩 Wore the “I’m not that Mark Anderson” hat with conviction.



THE “INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY”


Anderson claimed Harvest Farm Group was converting hemp into CBD isolate and Delta-8 THC using proprietary machinery so advanced it existed exclusively in his imagination. The pitch deck allegedly included:

  • Canadian distribution deals “pending COVID restrictions” (aka: nonexistent)

  • Claims of "medical-grade" CBD production from a nonexistent Kern County farm

  • A hemp-to-Delta-8 pipeline that “required no third-party testing because trust is the real certificate of analysis”

Investors were promised returns “within 60 days,” which is coincidentally how long it took Anderson to spend their money on legal fees and catered meetings at his kitchen table.



QUOTES FROM THE EARNINGS CALL THAT NEVER HAPPENED

“We’re vertically integrated from fiction to felony.” — Mark Anderson, pretending to be his own COO

“Hemp is the new oil, and I am the new Exxon.” — Actual quote, probably

“This isn’t my first fraud. I mean, farm.” — Also probably



MARKET REACTION

  • Private Equity Firms: Still unsure if they accidentally funded this.

  • Cannabis Real Estate Funds: Nodding along like this is normal.

  • Actual Legacy Operators: Laughed until they cried, then reapplied for their rejected social equity license.

  • CNBC: Reported on it in passing, then ran a segment about investing in mushrooms.



THE REAL TAKEAWAY


Anderson raised $18 million during a pandemic, while on federal watch, by promising Delta-8 infused olive oil from a hemp farm he didn’t own, to investors who probably still think CBD is short for “Cash Before Due Diligence.”


Meanwhile, actual cultivators are selling mid for $1.20/gram and getting undercut by gas stations with better compliance records.


This is the cannabis market. This is what happens when you regulate the honest and let the con men brand themselves as CEOs.



FINAL ANALYST NOTE


Recommendation: STRONG SELL We are officially adding “Harvest Farm Group” to the Boof du Jour Hall of Financial Fame, alongside:

  • MedMen’s valuation spreadsheet (which was just a doodle of a jet ski)

  • Cookies’ “Culture” fund (which was just J. Prince and burner phones)

  • Trulieve’s compliance calendar (which only contains full moons)

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