Lexachrom is Dead. The Weed is Still Poison. The State is Still Asleep.

The Lab Vanishes Like a Guilty Ex

I’m outside the carcass of Lexachrom Analytical Laboratories in Rochester, New York — the state-certified lab that quietly yeeted itself into oblivion right after getting caught clearing pesticide-ridden weed for retail shelves.

The door’s bolted. Lights are off. There’s a handwritten “We’ve Moved” sign taped to the window with no forwarding address, no phone number, and no goddamn shame.

This was the testing lab at the center of New York’s largest-ever weed recall. Hundreds of pounds of flower — all stamped safe by Lexachrom — turned out to be laced with illegal levels of pesticides. And as soon as regulators noticed, Lexachrom surrendered their license and shut down faster than a pop-up THC syrup brand with no distro deal.

CEO Jason Woodmass? Gone. Disconnected number, deactivated LinkedIn, reportedly last seen stress-vaping a Delta-8 cart in a Wegmans parking lot.

“Market Toxic” Means Shut the Fuck Up and Pass It

Inside the lab, it smells like Lysol, printer ink, and institutional cowardice. I got in by pretending to be a contractor replacing the fire extinguisher that nobody’s touched since Cuomo was in office. The building is a tomb. Scattered papers. Empty Monster cans. A COA spreadsheet still open on a dusty laptop that lists “Pass” next to flower samples testing at 4x the state pesticide limit.

I spoke with a former Lexachrom employee, who we’ll call “Brendan” because he didn’t have the balls to give his real name but did give me a handshake like he’d just microwaved a fish. He looked dead in the eyes when he said:

“We were told not to flag anything unless it was, like, ‘market toxic.’ I asked what that meant, and my supervisor said, ‘If it kills rich people.’”

Rich people. Not consumers. Not medical patients. Just rich ones. The rest of us? Apparently we’re testing grounds.

OCM Spins It Like a Goddamn Infomercial

The New York Office of Cannabis Management issued a gentle little statement claiming Lexachrom “voluntarily exited the market.” Voluntarily? That’s like saying your plug voluntarily left town after robbing a dispensary.

The OCM has no real response plan. No arrest. No accountability. No emergency oversight. The lab disappeared during an active product recall and their only move was to shrug and issue a PDF.

Let’s be honest: the OCM doesn’t want to dig too deep because if they do, they’ll find this isn’t an exception. It’s the standard. Lab shopping isn’t a fringe tactic — it’s baked into the fucking model. If your weed tests dirty at one lab, just hit up another that wants your business bad enough to not see the arsenic.

Who Still Uses Lexachrom? Ask the Trash Can

While I was standing out front, a guy pulled up in a dusty Chevy Volt and tossed a box of what looked like COA printouts and glass sample jars into the dumpster. I asked him if he used to work there.

He said, “No comment,” then added, “They still owe me a check though.” When I asked what he did for Lexachrom, he mumbled, “Office... janitor... lead compliance officer. Depends on who’s asking.”

Honestly? Probably all true.

Jason Woodmass, CEO or Escape Artist?

Jason Woodmass is the kind of guy who probably practiced his signature for COAs in cursive, then signed the lease for the lab with a fake LLC. His LinkedIn’s been nuked, and nobody at the OCM will confirm whether they even know where he is. Sources say he left behind unpaid invoices, unsecured data, and one very confused DoorDash driver still waiting outside with a Buffalo Chicken wrap.

If you see Jason, tell him his lab failed pesticide screening, ethics screening, and not disappearing mid-crisis screening.

This Is a Regulatory System Built by Giraffes on Ketamine

New York built a compliance system with more holes than a grinder screen. Labs are incentivized to pass dirty weed. Regulators are incentivized to not notice. And when it all breaks? Everyone shrugs and writes “voluntary exit” on the tombstone.

This isn’t a lab scandal. It’s a statewide scam.

Until the OCM starts pulling licenses like teeth and holding executives criminally accountable, nothing changes. Lexachrom will be replaced by another Lexachrom. Maybe it’s already happened. Maybe they just repainted the sign and fired up the PCR again under a new LLC called "TrustLeaf Analytical."

New York weed is tested by ghosts. Welcome to the fucking industry.