NY’s Proximity Correction Update Now Live: Press F to Relocate

By Boof du Jour | August 2025

The Rule Was Wrong. So Now It’s Everyone’s Problem.

In late July, the New York Office of Cannabis Management (OCM) quietly admitted it had spent the last three years misapplying its own 500-foot school buffer rule. Instead of enforcing the law’s actual text — Cannabis Law §72(6), measuring from the property line — regulators had been greenlighting licenses based on distance from a school’s front door.

That bureaucratic slop has now left 152 cannabis operators in limbo. Some already open. Some weeks away from launch. All now staring down what OCM calls an “emergency correction process,” which mostly consists of broken spreadsheets and form links that don’t work.

More than 100 operating dispensaries and 40+ provisional licensees were told their locations may be invalid, and their renewals could be in jeopardy — all because the state measured compliance like it was hailing an Uber.

OCM’s Correction Plan: “Oops, Fill Out This Form”

Instead of owning the error, OCM issued a memo full of bureaucratic shoulder shrugs and a “regretful” invitation for operators to submit correction forms — forms which included helpful fields such as:

• “Attach a map showing a different school nobody noticed before”

• “Describe any verbal conversations with prior OCM employees, real or imagined”

• “Explain why the school next door doesn’t count because it’s technically a ‘learning annex’”
  

OCM promised these updates would soon be “reflected in the portal” — a sentence that triggered at least one panic attack per borough and caused an internal Slack outage at Dutchie.

$15 Million in Relief (But Only If You’re Still Waiting)

To soften the blow, the state announced a $15 million “relocation and relief” fund. But there’s a catch: it only applies to CAURD applicants still waiting to open.

If you’re one of the 100+ existing operators who already sunk six figures into real estate, construction, payroll, and inventory? Your refund is a Word doc and a polite shove back into the portal.

“We are prioritizing equity,” said one OCM staffer, off the record and clearly lying. “And by equity we mean people who haven’t embarrassed us yet.”

Operator Quotes: Too Real to Be Fiction

Jared L., Hudson Valley applicant: “I bought a laser measurer from Home Depot. I’ve been clicking buttons outside schools for four days like I’m doing CSI: Yonkers.”

Michelle O., Queens dispensary GM: “We changed our Google Maps listing to ‘Definitely Not a Dispensary.’ The principal still called the state.”

Devonte C., Brooklyn budtender: “We put up a sign that said ‘Children Go Away.’ Apparently that’s not a compliant mitigation plan.”

Yared B., Bronx applicant: “I submitted blueprints and got told to wait for guidance. I asked how long. She said, ‘We’ll probably tweet it.’ I almost blacked out.”

Real Fixes Denied, Fake Ones Attempted

With no clear path to compliance, some operators tried improvising:

• Boundary Redraw: One applicant submitted a map showing their building leaning away from the school line. It leaned into a rejection.

• Spiritual Immunity: A Brooklyn group argued the school was inside a synagogue, so it “technically cancels itself out.” Denied.

• Faith-Based Anonymity: A Harlem dispensary offered to fund a school name change to “The Non-Descript Youth Gathering Center.” No response.

• Good Faith Email Dump: One applicant printed 47 pages of emails, one of which contained the phrase “That location sounds fine” from someone named “Alex.” No title. No last name.
  

According to one insider, OCM staffers found these hilarious. One even forwarded the thread to their personal Gmail “for safekeeping.”

Legal Help Everywhere, Guidance Nowhere

Ten cannabis law firms launched proximity-themed webinars the week the memo dropped. Not one agreed on what the ruling means.

Meanwhile, the Cannabis Control Board (CCB) is down to three voting members, still without a permanent Executive Director after Chris Alexander’s 2024 resignation. Leadership churn has left official guidance outsourced to LinkedIn slideshows and Reddit posts by people with usernames like DankBoi420.JD.

OCM’s current stance: “We regret the confusion. Please comply with the correct version of the rule you were never given.”

The Last Form Standing

For operators facing disqualification thanks to a preschool, rehab center, or shrine of spiritual consequence, the OCM has quietly released Form 6399-FU: Relocation and Reconciliation Request.

This optional-but-critical document includes prompts like:

• “Have you considered moving the building slightly to the left?”

• “Rate your legal clarity from ‘Confident’ to ‘My lawyer ghosted me.’”

• “If a place of worship disappears when viewed in a mirror, does it still count?” (Show work.)
  

Sources tell Boof du Jour this form currently offers the best shot at survival — better than appeals, lawsuits, or emailing anyone with a ‘.ny.gov’ address.

Closing Punch

New York promised equity. Instead, it built compliance roulette — a system where every operator pulls the trigger, and the only question is who gets shot first.