The Chris Peterson Invitational: Muha Meds’ Big, Beautiful, Stupid Alibi

Michigan has seen some wild dispensary behavior — mislabeled carts, METRC chaos, managers claiming “the system” added inventory on its own — but nothing prepared regulators for Muha Meds Ypsilanti attempting to clear their name by summoning every Chris Peterson in the state to one location like a budget Comic-Con for dudes named Chris.

Not alleged. Not suggested.They held a full-blown Chris Peterson Invitational.

Why?Because when state investigators find nearly 1,800 grams of concentrate mysteriously transferred under the same customer name, you can either explain it — or you can create the largest gathering of Chris Petersons Michigan has ever seen and hope the sheer density of them confuses the state into backing off.

Muha chose Option B.

The Scandal That Built the Guest List

Transactions under the name Chris Peterson kept popping up in the POS system. Multiple accounts. Multiple dates. Multiple giveaways. Huge amounts of concentrate leaving the building.

When regulators asked about it, a manager basically shrugged and said, “Promo stuff.”

Promo stuff. Nearly two kilograms of concentrate. Under one name.

If your promo strategy results in one guy walking out with 64 times the legal limit, you’re not running a business — you’re running a sweepstakes with felonies as prizes.

Muha’s Solution: Prove Chris Peterson Exists by Summoning All of Them

Someone at Muha Meds clearly said: “Look, if we get enough real Chris Petersons in one room, it legally can’t be our fault.”

And someone else replied: “That sounds just insane enough to work.”

So invitations went out statewide:

“CALLING ALL CHRIS PETERSONS — FREE VAPES FOR VERIFIED CHRISES.”

Requirements:

– Name must be Chris Peterson– ID required – No entry for “Peterson-with-an-O” (they clarified this three times) – Dress code: “comfortably photo-ready”

Within 48 hours, the RSVPs started piling in. Michigan has a lot of Chris Petersons. Dad-energy Chris Petersons. Bowling-league Chris Petersons. Guys who get their hair cut at Costco Chris Petersons.

They all came.

The Check-In Table Looked Like Jury Duty For One Name

Staff scanned IDs.Every badge simply read:

CHRIS

Free tote. Free cart. Free drink ticket. No explanation.

One Chris asked what the event was for.The staffer said, “Brand activation.”

Which, technically, wasn’t wrong.

Inside, the room looked like a municipal conference for men who all drive the same Honda.

The Main Event: A Human “NOT GUILTY”

At 4 PM, Muha staff herded all 132 Chrises into the parking lot.

A drone came up .

Chrises were positioned like chess pieces.

From above, the formation spelled:

NOT GUILTY

One Chris whispered, “Is this political?” Another Chris said, “I just came for the free cart.”

Regulators Did Not Find This Helpful

A CRA employee who attended the event to “observe community outreach strategies” reportedly texted their supervisor:

“I don’t think this proves what they think it proves.”

Another wrote:

“Do we… do we have a protocol for this?”

The answer: No. No protocol exists for 132 legally verified men being used as an exhibit.

They had to create a new internal category: “Unsolicited Mass Identity Demonstration.”

Interviews With Actual Chrises (Real People, Real Confusion)

Chris, 52, Taylor, MI:“I thought this was one of those name festivals, like the Erics. Didn’t know I was here to exonerate someone.”

Chris, 29, Ann Arbor:“They said I’d be helping cannabis compliance. I didn’t know that meant spelling words with my body.”

Chris, 61, Dearborn:“Do I get subpoenaed now? Should I call my wife?”

Chris, 41, Ypsi:“This is already the weirdest Tuesday of my life and it’s only 4:30.”

Where This Leaves Muha Meds

The investigation continues: Eight-count complaint. Potential fines. Potential license suspension or revocation. Possible criminal referrals tied to possession amounts.

And now regulators also have to figure out how to file a drone photo of 100+ Chrises in a formation legally classified as “defensive choreography.”

Imagine writing that into the record. Imagine presenting it to a judge. Imagine the judge trying not to laugh.

Boof's Take

This isn’t a story about Chris Petersons. It isn’t a story about Muha Meds holding the world’s saddest name festival. It isn’t even a story about nearly two kilos of concentrate walking out the door under a fake profile.

It’s a story about the one thing this industry does better than anything else:

When caught, it will do literally anything except say the words “we fucked up.”

Operators would rather build a parade float, host a stunt, gaslight regulators, delete five years of COAs, create a fake system glitch, blame a budtender, or — apparently — summon an entire demographic of men named Chris before admitting the truth.

That’s the real punchline.Not the drone shot.Not the banner.Not the human “NOT GUILTY” spelled out in forty-five dollars’ worth of Costco sneakers.

It’s the refusal to take accountability in an industry where accountability is the only thing anyone actually needs.

The gathering of Chrises is funny.The culture that made it seem reasonable is the problem.

Boof du Jour Verdict

The cannabis industry will burn a thousand calories performing acrobatics to avoid responsibility.This was just the most creative example.

132 Chrises didn’t show us innocence. They showed us the lengths this industry will go to pretend it.