“Turn in Your Dealer” and Save 10%: Housing Works Launches Bold New Program to Trap Stoners With Receipts and Reward Snitching With Store Credit

Rewarding snitching with store credit—brought to you by people who’ve never been to a sesh.

NEW YORK, NY — In an inspired moment of policy brilliance that perfectly captures the soul of modern cannabis legalization, Housing Works Cannabis Co. has launched a new program encouraging New Yorkers to dig through their stash drawer, locate evidence of their unlicensed weed purchases, and present it—voluntarily—at a state-sanctioned dispensary in exchange for a modest coupon.

The campaign, titled the "Illegal Cannabis Buyback Program," is being hailed by absolutely no one with street smarts as a pivotal step in “transitioning consumers to the legal market.” Translation: if you narc on your weed guy, we’ll knock 10% off your overpriced eighth of mids.

According to Sasha Nutgent, Director of Retail and Vice President of Accidentally Rebranding Prohibition,“We wanted to make the shift to the legal market feel seamless, empowering, and only slightly reminiscent of a sting operation.”

Participants are instructed to bring in “proof” of past purchases from unlicensed sellers—photos, text receipts, or "membership cards" (??)—as if every underground dealer in New York has been issuing loyalty punch cards and quarterly tax summaries.

How It Works:

1. Snitch on yourself or your plug

2. Get a coupon

3. Buy weed that’s somehow drier and more expensive than the illegal stuff you just ratted on

4. Feel the warmth of justice wash over you (side effects may include price shock, distrust, and a sudden loyalty to Connecticut)

And no, the OCM hasn’t clarified whether your dealer gets notified. But Housing Works promises you’ll receive a “Co-Conspirator” card, which sounds less like a rewards program and more like evidence in a future RICO case.

The Real Problem: Housing Works Doesn’t Sell the Weed You Want

Let’s be honest. If your guy meets you in a parking garage with a jar of Zkittlez grown in someone's cousin’s closet, he’s not getting beat by a legal dispensary selling half-dry shake in fingerprint-proof containers for $62 after tax.

The state of New York is still pretending the only reason the legacy market exists is because “consumers just don’t know better.” No, they know better. That’s why they’re still buying from Jerome under the bridge and not from a storefront with a 14% THC limit and an interior that looks like a failed Peloton pop-up.

This Is Not Equity. It’s Entrapment With Branding.

Housing Works likes to tout their “social equity” credentials, but nothing screams community empowerment like voluntary self-incrimination in exchange for discounted weed that tastes like packing peanuts. The idea that the legal market can outcompete the underground by rewarding snitching with coupons is, at best, adorable. At worst, it’s a thinly veiled form of legal coercion dressed up in inclusive signage and institutional gaslighting.

Boof du Jour Rating:

2 out of 10. One point for effort, one point for the unintentional comedy.

This isn’t a buyback program—it’s a sting op sponsored by Squarespace and funded with tax revenue from people you priced out.

If this is what legal weed looks like, bring back the trap house. At least they don’t make you fill out a survey after you buy.