BOOF DU JOUR TESTS CBD AS A BINGE DRINKING CURE — Woke Up Crossfaded, Broke and Still Drunk
- Boof du Jour
- Jul 8
- 2 min read
THE HEADLINE THAT TRIGGERED THIS DISASTER
It started with a study. You saw it. We saw it.
👉 “CBD Might Reduce Binge Drinking, Study Finds.”
The story spread like gospel at a cannabis conference—because nothing gets this industry harder than a headline that sounds like science but reads like a sales pitch.
So we at Boof du Jour asked ourselves the obvious question:
What if we tested this ourselves?
What if we got dangerously drunk, popped a shitload of CBD, and recorded what happened?
What if, for once, we contributed to “science”?
OUR TOTALLY UNAPPROVED “METHODS”
We gathered the team in a backyard somewhere in California.
The setup:
✅ 3 cases of White Claw the interns stole from a brand event
✅ 2 bottles of shitty vodka someone won at a dispensary raffle
✅ 500mg of various CBD products—gummies, tinctures, some pre-rolls we think were CBD
✅ One notebook (lost somewhere after shot #6)
✅ A guy named Eric who said he was the control group but was actually just there to drink
Our mission: get as drunk as humanly possible, dose CBD at random intervals, and see if we magically wanted to stop drinking.
SCENE ONE: THE SCIENCE BEGINS
We started strong. Beers cracked. CBD gummies went down like Flintstone vitamins.
By beer three, someone was giving a TED Talk about homegrow rights.
By beer five, we’d already lost track of CBD dosage. The notebook was stained with Fireball. Someone drew a dick on the margin next to a line that says “subjective perception = lit.”
FAKE RESULTS, REAL CHAOS
Did CBD curb our drinking? Fuck no.
Here’s what actually happened:
👉 Someone puked on the data sheet.
👉 Our “Chief Science Officer” passed out on the porch after declaring CBD a “placebo for the weak.”
👉 The control group (Eric) drank twice as much as everyone else and tried to Venmo us for pizza we didn’t order.
👉 One tester claimed they felt more in control—right before taking a shot of vodka out of a pre-roll tube.
👉 The only quantifiable outcome: our Uber bill exceeded what we spent on the booze.
THE “SCIENTIFIC” ANALYSIS
We sent our “findings” to an actual biochemist (who asked not to be named because he doesn’t want his career associated with us). His response:
“Your sample size was four. Your methodology was nonexistent. You drank like frat boys at a wake. This proves nothing except that you shouldn’t be trusted near a laboratory.”
THE BRANDS ALREADY READY TO CASH IN
While we were still hungover, the marketing machine kicked in:
-CBDfx launched a new seltzer line called “Balance & Booze.”
-MedMen posted a LinkedIn article titled “CBD: The Future of Responsible Partying.”
-A startup named “ZenDraft” pitched CBD anti-binge patches at $79.99 a box.
THE BOOF FINAL TAKE
The study was bullshit. Our test was bullshit. The idea that CBD prevents binge drinking? Even more bullshit.
But hey — at least we contributed something:
Proof that the only thing CBD prevented was sobriety.
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