UFCW Local 21 Goes on Strike Against Itself After Members Accidentally Do a Dab

By Boof du Jour - The Only Publication that thinks the Union should respectfully "Fuck off"

“We Demand Less Meetings, More Snacks, and Answers About Why Any of This Exists”

SEATTLE, SOMEWHERE NEAR A CONFERENCE ROOM - What began as a routine “solidarity outreach” event between UFCW Local 21 organizers and cannabis workers ended Tuesday afternoon in chaos, confusion, and a fully sanctioned strike - against the union itself - after several organizers reportedly tried weed for the first time and immediately realized they were the problem.

The incident occurred shortly after noon, when union reps, fresh off a three-hour PowerPoint titled “Cannabis: A Workplace Like Any Other,” were offered a dab by a local budtender as a gesture of goodwill.

Within minutes, UFCW Local 21 had formed a picket line outside its own headquarters.

“THIS SYSTEM IS BROKEN” - UNION REP, TALKING ABOUT HIS OWN CALENDAR

Witnesses say the first sign of trouble came when a senior organizer, still wearing his tucked-in polo and laminated badge, stared silently at the carpet for seven uninterrupted minutes before whispering, “Why do we have so many meetings?”

Shortly after, chants began.

“LESS MEET-INGS!”“MORE SNACKS!”“WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE?”

By 1:17 p.m., a full strike had been declared.

Against themselves.

A handwritten list of demands was taped to the front door of the building. Among them:

• Immediate cancellation of recurring meetings “that could have been emails”

• Mandatory snack budget increases

• A formal investigation into who scheduled a 9 a.m. Zoom on a Monday

• And one hastily scrawled line reading simply: “Vibes?”
  

ORGANIZERS QUICKLY REALIZE THEY MAY HAVE MISJUDGED THE WORKERS

One visibly shaken organizer, speaking through a mouthful of Cheez-Its, admitted the experience had been “eye-opening.”

“We were told cannabis workers were lazy,” he said, adjusting his strike sign. “Turns out it’s us. We’ve been the problem the whole time.”

Another organizer reportedly attempted to file a grievance against himself, only to get trapped in the union’s own internal process, which required three forms, two subcommittees, and a meeting scheduled for mid-2026.

PICKET LINE DESCENDS INTO TOTAL IDENTITY CRISIS

The picket line itself quickly devolved into chaos, with union reps arguing with other union reps over whether crossing their own line constituted scabbing.

One man was seen holding a sign that read “WHAT ARE WE STRIKING FOR AGAIN?” while another attempted to lead chants but forgot the words halfway through and sat down on the curb to “think about capitalism.”

At least one organizer tried to unionize the snack table.

Meanwhile, cannabis workers watched from across the street in stunned silence.

“We asked them for help with wages and safety,” said one budtender. “They discovered granola bars and existential dread.”

MANAGEMENT RESPONDS - BUT IT’S ALSO UFCW

UFCW leadership issued a statement later that afternoon, condemning the strike and praising it simultaneously.

“We respect the right of workers to organize,” the statement read, “even when those workers are us, and we don’t fully understand what’s happening.”

The statement went on to clarify that negotiations would begin “as soon as we’re done negotiating with ourselves.”

CANNABIS WORKERS REMAIN UNMOVED

Despite the historic self-own, cannabis workers say the event changed very little on the ground.

“They still don’t understand the plant, the culture, or the job,” said a grow tech. “But now they understand burnout. Welcome to the industry, guys.”

As of press time, UFCW Local 21 organizers had returned inside, reportedly to “debrief,” a process expected to last four hours and produce no actionable outcomes.

The dab rig has since been removed “pending further study.”

Editor’s Note:

At no point during the strike were wages raised, safety issues addressed, or workers materially helped - but several organizers did say it was “a really important conversation.”

Boof du Jour will continue monitoring the situation, assuming everyone involved remembers it happened.