YEEat Pray Love: Kanye Launches Penis-Shaped Edibles Modeled After His Cousin—Says It’s About “Generational Healing”

A velvet-draped launch party for genetically questionable edibles shaped like a family secret—and marketed like gospel.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA — I am standing in a candle-lit art gallery that smells like vape residue and Dior Sauvage, watching a crowd of stylists and TikTok managers pick up penis-shaped edibles with tongs.

The tongs, I should note, are gold-plated and reportedly cost $4,000 each. Welcome to the launch of YEEat: A Euphoric Lineage, Kanye West’s new THC-infused edible brand, and possibly the most cursed collaboration between cannabis and incest since Alabama's Own OG Kush.

The gummies? Shaped like his cousin’s dick.The flavor? Officially called “Bloodline Berry.”The tagline? “Break the mold. Taste the truth.”

First Impressions: Gummy Dicks and Gospel Loops

The venue is some kind of converted spa, with moss walls and looping audio clips of Kanye saying things like “Weed is ancestral” and “My cousin’s penis is a metaphor for America.” There’s a live goat on a mirrored pedestal wearing Yeezy Slides. Every room smells like a dispensary fucked a perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

One display case labeled “Limited Strain Drops” features flavors like:

• Cousin Kush (Full-Spectrum Family Tree Blend)

• Forbidden Fruitcake (Hybrid x Trauma)

• Edible Complex (High-Dose Psychoanalysis)
  

A woman in a Balenciaga lab coat explains the product is “engineered for generational healing and unlocking shame.” She is very serious. She is also microdosing psilocybin and offering a guided journaling session by the bathrooms.

The Crowd: Blinded by Hype, Lit by Trauma

This is not a cannabis crowd. This is a NFT-era panic rave for reputation laundering. Everyone here looks like they just got paid in crypto to forget their morals for two hours.

One influencer tells me he’s “just here for the activation energy.” His name tag says @MunchHausen420 and he’s filming himself licking the gummies on IG Live. I ask him if he knows they’re shaped like Kanye’s cousin’s dick. He shrugs. “I thought it was conceptual.”

A rep from Goop is in the corner talking about “genetic resonance,” and someone from Complex is interviewing a visibly uncomfortable pastor about “cannabis ministry potential.”

Kanye shows up two hours late, riding an animatronic horse and wearing a velvet robe with “FAMILY TIES” embroidered across the chest. He doesn’t say hello. He just walks up to the mic and whispers,

“God made the bloodline. I made it bioavailable.”

Applause. Screams. A woman faints. The goat shits on a model’s $6,000 rug.

The Product: Confusing, Hard, and 50mg Per Piece

Each gummy is absurdly dense. I bite into one and it tastes like black cherry, Catholic guilt, and an edible arrangement sponsored by Freud. The package claims:“Made with cold-pressed distillate, ancestral trauma, and hand-blown molds modeled from direct reference.”

That’s right. Kanye allegedly had a mold made. Of his cousin’s dick. For gummies.

He later clarifies, “It’s symbolic. But also literal.” Which does not help.

There’s a QR code that links to a 72-minute video essay called The Genetics of Genius, which autoplayed in my Uber and made the driver pull over to pray.

Final Thoughts: I Can’t Feel My Face and I’m Spiritually Unwell

I took two of the edibles thirty minutes ago. I’m either incredibly high or experiencing full psychic ego death. A woman in a mesh bodysuit is screaming about bloodlines being circular. Someone just tried to sell me a “genetically accountable” blunt wrap.

I try to leave but I get blocked by a man in Yeezy armor who asks if I’ve “completed the bio-loop.” I haven’t. No one has. Kanye’s on stage again. The goat is gone.

This isn’t a launch. It’s a brand-funded identity collapse.

Boof du Jour Rating:

7/10 for flavor.

0/10 for sanity.

10/10 chance this ends up as a RICO case.