MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR ZIP CODE: New York’s Proximity Correction Notice Sparks Cannabis Hunger Games

Districts have been selected. Tributes have been chosen. The Games have begun.

I’m standing in an abandoned warehouse two blocks from a Brooklyn charter school, now converted into the staging ground for the first-ever CAURD Compliance Hunger Games. It's humid. The Wi-Fi’s dogshit. And every corner smells like half-tested Zaza and sweat-soaked logo hoodies from the Bronx Dispensary Showdown.

This isn’t a metaphor. This is what it takes to survive licensing in New York now.

The Office of Cannabis Management (OCM) has issued what they call a “Proximity Correction.” But let’s be clear — this is a full-scale, bureaucratic purge. In late July, OCM admitted it approved 152 dispensary locations too close to schools — a mistake they’re now fixing by tossing CAURD licensees into a bloodbath and making them fight for survival.

One source called it “a game of regulatory musical chairs.” Another said, “It’s fucking Squid Game with point-of-sale systems.”

They’re wrong. This is The Hunger Games. And I’m here. In the arena. Reporting live.

The Capitol (a.k.a. Albany) Sets the Rules, Then Changes Them

Let’s be clear: the only thing more brutal than New York’s cannabis market is the state’s approach to fixing its own regulatory failures.

This latest “proximity correction” came after public records, local news, and Reddit threads lit up with complaints about dispensaries being too close to schools. OCM’s solution?Issue a policy memo 18 months too late and announce a 30-day deadline for affected licensees to either fix the problem or die trying.

Per the official correction memo [PDF source], a dispensary can’t be within 500 feet of a school. Doesn’t matter if the school’s on a different block, behind a wall, or only has six students named after astrology signs. If you're within 500 feet, you're now “out of compliance.” Retroactively.

No refunds. No extensions. No Plan B.Just grab a sword and run at the nearest fellow licensee.

Districts, Tributes, and the Fight for Foot Traffic

District 12: Gotham Buds Located on East 14th Street, Gotham Buds was already barely surviving the rent war with their landlord. Now, they’ve selected co-founder Tory Naito as Tribute. He's armed with a hand-rolled preroll blunt and three ounces of blind faith in the OCM.

When asked about strategy, Naito muttered:

“We already invested hundreds of thousands into this space. My strategy? Fucking survive.”

District 9: Royal Leaf Reportedly also on the chopping block, Royal Leaf has sent their assistant manager as Tribute. Her chosen weapon? A barbed 280E tax filing.

District 5: Terp Bros Long Island City’s finest — or at least loudest — has entered the arena with a rolling tray shield and a QR code for a 10% first-time buyer discount. One insider says they’re “just trying to be the last man dabbing.”

District 3: The CAURD Coalition Technically not a dispensary, but they've somehow declared themselves a district. Their tribute? A guy named Marcus who only speaks in change.org links and quotes from the 2021 MRTA legislation.

Bloodbath at the Dispensary Cornucopia

The opening ceremony was a disaster.

OCM’s Chris Alexander addressed the Tributes via a janky projector hooked up to a Dell laptop from 2013.

“This isn’t a punishment,” he said. “It’s a correction. And corrections build character.”

Seconds later, a fight broke out over who gets the prime table at the next pop-up market. One CAURD applicant reportedly screamed, “My store isn’t even open yet!” before being tackled by a man holding a barback application from Stiiizy.

There are no referees. No supply drops. Just Tributes hiding behind 280E deductions and empty branded jars, waiting for their chance to lunge at a competitor’s lease agreement.

I interviewed a surviving Tribute from District 7 (name redacted), who whispered:

“We paid for an architect, real estate consultant, and two lawyers… and the state still sent us here to die.”

A System That Shoots First and Aims Later

Let’s be clear. These aren’t just startup failures. This is regulatory malpractice dressed up as reform.

OCM’s own map showed over a hundred licensees placed within school zones — a fact they’re now correcting by handing the burden to the businesses they already dragged through a broken rollout, lawsuits, and 18 months of economic limbo.

“We had to make difficult decisions,” said an anonymous OCM staffer. “Unfortunately, those decisions were ‘lol fuck you.’”

And while the state blames vague “inconsistencies in geolocation data,” it’s pretty fucking hard to believe no one noticed these buildings were next to schools. It’s not like schools are invisible. They’re big and loud and have literal children walking into them every day. You’d think someone — maybe the people in charge of licenses — would’ve caught that.

Instead, New York turned their own incompetence into a battle royale and blamed the contestants.

The View from the Stands

Above the arena, we see the real winners: Legacy operators, smoke shops, and multi-state operators who stayed far away.

They’re sipping cold-pressed juice and betting on which CAURD licensee dies next. A rumor is circulating that Housing Works, despite being state-backed and well-connected, is still in the arena somewhere, quietly stabbing Tributes with ESG metrics and a copy of their board meeting minutes.

And hovering behind it all is Governor Hochul, giving off serious Capitol President Snow energy, pretending this is progress while her state’s cannabis rollout looks like a failed TikTok challenge.

Closing Ceremony (Pending Survivors)

No one knows what happens next. Maybe some Tributes will be allowed to move. Maybe they’ll be offered new locations, if they can afford the real estate market in Queens post-Amazon.

Or maybe they’ll just die quietly, buried in red tape and passive-aggressive correction memos.

Either way, this isn’t a course correction. It’s a fucking culling.