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The Full Boof
“Turn in Your Dealer” and Save 10%: Housing Works Launches Bold New Program to Trap Stoners With Receipts and Reward Snitching With Store Credit
Rewarding snitching with store credit—brought to you by people who’ve never been to a sesh. NEW YORK, NY — In an inspired moment of...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
THE COMMONWEALTH’S GREAT GREEN GRIFT: Kentucky’s Weed License Lottery Was Always a Racket
Where ‘Transparency’ Means ‘We Livestreamed the Grift’ FRANKFORT, KY — If you recently lost out on a Kentucky medical cannabis license,...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
State Awards Compliance Testing License to Lab Currently Being Sued for Faking Compliance Testing
Test Results May Vary—But Only Upward. HARTFORD, CT — In an inspiring display of blind optimism and spreadsheet-based licensing, the...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
New Edible Guidelines Clarified — Only Animal and Body Part-Shaped Treats Now Permitted
In a bold regulatory move, officials confirm THC is only safe when delivered via neon bears, sour worms, or chewy dismembered...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Missouri's Annual DHSS Administrative Hold: A Beloved Industry Tradition
It’s not summer in Missouri until the admin hold hits and your whole supply chain gets ghosted by the state. Jefferson City, MO — As the...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Dispensary Executive Works Full Shift at CBD Kratom Before Realizing He’s at the Wrong Business
Wearing his branded fleece and a thousand-yard stare, the exec rang up Delta-8 and mushroom gummies for seven hours before realizing the...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Michigan Accidentally Grants Transport License to Golden Retriever Wearing a Hoodie and Stolen Lanyard
Officials blamed the error on a “clerical oversight,” though witnesses say the dog made three successful deliveries, applied for a loan,...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
State Revokes Dispensary License After Learning Owner Thought ‘Compliance’ Was a Strain
After months of suspicious behavior and zero recordkeeping, regulators finally acted—moments after overhearing the owner ask if...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Missouri Grants Transport License to Man with a Lime Scooter and a Trash Bag
Citing “low barriers to entry” and “vibes,” the state issued credentials to a man seen zipping down I-70 with flower, edibles, and what...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Illinois Hosts Inaugural Cannabis Transport Equity Games — Winner Gets Token License and $5 Gas Card
Touted as a “celebration of opportunity,” the event featured twelve grueling events, zero follow-up support, and one lucky applicant...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
Florida Quietly Grants Distribution License to LLC Owned by Governor’s Golf Buddy
While hundreds wait in regulatory limbo, one well-timed backswing and a whisper on the 9th tee was all it took to move paperwork no one...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
New Regulation Requires All Cannabis Packaging to Be Approved by Children
To ensure maximum safety and zero adult appeal, state officials now require all weed packaging to pass a panel of fourth graders armed...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Missouri Approves License Transfer from One White Guy to Another in Record Time
Licenses remain legally transferred. Morals remain legally missing. In a bold move that absolutely no one asked for but somehow everyone...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
FDA Grants Provisional “Oops All Beverages” License to Tilray Following $794M Loss and a Strong Hunch
After losing nearly a billion and pivoting for the seventh time this quarter, Tilray secures a federal hall pass to become the LaCroix of...
Jun 18, 20252 min read
Minnesota’s Cannabis Licensing Plan: A Beautiful Bureaucratic Disaster Masquerading as Progress
After months of community input, task forces, and well-catered meetings, Minnesota unveils a licensing process so convoluted it requires...
Jun 18, 20253 min read
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