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SOPs no one follows, audits everyone pretends to pass, and products with test results too good to be true. Clean on paper. Moldy in practice.
COMPLIANCE THEATHER
The Chris Peterson Invitational: Muha Meds’ Big, Beautiful, Stupid Alibi
A Michigan dispensary got caught giving away nearly 2,000 grams of concentrate under a fake name — so in a last-ditch PR stunt straight out of a fever dream, they hosted a statewide gathering of every real Chris Peterson they could find. It didn’t prove innocence, but it did prove how far the cannabis industry will go to avoid admitting it screwed up.
4 min read
Hemp’s Last Stand: Congress Accidentally Nukes a Whole Industry Because They Don’t Know What the Hell a Cannabinoid Is
Congress didn’t tighten hemp rules — they accidentally carpet-bombed the entire industry. With one sloppy amendment, they killed Delta-8, THCA, minor cannabinoids, and most CBD products. Boof du Jour breaks down the federal panic attack that turned hemp into contraband overnight.
4 min read
Civil RICO for Dummies: How a Supreme Court Case Just Made Every CBD Brand a Crime Family
The Supreme Court just made the hemp industry’s worst nightmare come true: mislabeling “THC-Free” can now count as racketeering. Boof du Jour breaks down how a mislabeled bottle turned every CBD brand into a crime syndicate with better stationery.
3 min read
Eaze 2.0: From Billion-Dollar Hype to Haight Street Hospice
Eaze was once the “Uber of weed.” After bankruptcy and a fire sale, the brand has reappeared in San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury. But the comeback feels less like a rebirth and more like a hospice wing for a unicorn that investors already buried.
5 min read
Too Broke to Tax: California’s Cannabis Market Gets a “Break”
California cut its cannabis excise tax from 19% to 15%, a supposed lifeline for a $4B market already on life support. Will this revive legal weed—or just delay the obituary?
3 min read
Massachusetts CCC Welcomes Back, Then Immediately Benches, Its Chair
After a court ruled her firing unlawful, Shannon O’Brien was reinstated as CCC Chair — only to be suspended again on appeal. Massachusetts cannabis regulation has officially turned into compliance theater with billion-dollar stakes.
2 min read
Massachusetts Wants to Cancel Weed: $1.6 Billion on the Ballot
Massachusetts just certified a ballot petition to nuke its $1.6B adult-use cannabis industry. If it makes the ballot, every dispensary, cultivator, and brand in the state could be gone overnight. Welcome to the dumbest economic experiment since prohibition.
3 min read
NY’s Proximity Correction Update Now Live: Press F to Relocate
New York’s cannabis regulators admitted they’ve been measuring the school buffer wrong for three years — now 152 operators face shutdowns, a $15M fund skips existing stores, and compliance has devolved into spreadsheets, lawsuits, and Form 6399-FU.
3 min read
Trulieve Declares Victory, Retreats From Battlefield With 40% Casualties
Trulieve calls it “pruning to bloom.” The reality? Exiting California, Massachusetts, and Nevada while bragging about 725,000 loyalty members — and still ignoring the death of Lorna McMurrey. Our exposé uncovers regulator silence, financial spin, and a company pivoting straight into a mountain.
3 min read
DRY‑LABGED & PROBATIONED: ASSURED TESTING’S REINSTATEMENT ISN’T REFORM — IT’S A RIGGED COMEBACK
Assured Testing Labs buried 7,000+ contaminated samples, got caught, paid $300K, and now they’re back — with biweekly check-ins and a PR audit team. Trust the system? Hell no. This isn’t oversight. It’s regulatory damage control.
2 min read
NEW YORK’S SOCIAL EQUITY LICENSES JUST GOT DEPORTED
A federal court just ruled New York’s “social equity” weed licenses unconstitutional. Turns out, excluding 49 states isn’t reform — it’s just illegal.
3 min read
The Federal Cannabis Throuple Just Added a Fourth — and It’s Trump
Trump mentioned weed. The agencies are still broken. And now the federal cannabis strategy is a four-way clusterfuck with no safe word. Rescheduling is the headline — but the chaos behind it is where the real story lives.
3 min read
TRAPCAM™: The First Surveillance Camera That Auto-Deletes Footage When It Detects a Cop
TrapCam™ claims to protect cannabis businesses—by deleting security footage if cops show up. It’s not compliance. It’s obstruction, sold as innovation.
4 min read
NEW YORK’S $1.5B SEED-TO-SALE SYSTEM IS NOW JUST A FANCY DOWNLOAD SCREEN
New York’s $1.5B cannabis market is now monitored by a login screen no one can access — thanks to vendor chaos, OCM delays, and the Track-and-Trace Grift Economy™.
3 min read
Thailand’s Cannabis Laws Are So Confusing, We’re Starting to Think They're Just Finishing the Sentence of a Guy Who Stutters
We hit the streets of Bangkok to investigate Thailand’s cannabis policy nightmare. The laws change weekly, the ministers are stoned, and the tourists have no idea what they’ve walked into. It’s like getting high in the middle of a bureaucratic improv class.
4 min read
NEBRASKA AWARDS FIRST WEED LICENSE BY ACCIDENT — TRIBE LEGALIZES ITSELF
The Omaha Tribe legalized cannabis before Nebraska even picked a lane. They wrote the law, built the system, and started issuing licenses—proving that tribal sovereignty is faster than state bullshit.
3 min read
The Yearly Weed Divorce Clause: Congress Extends Cannabis Protections Like a Bad Ex Who Won’t Move Out
Another fiscal year, another bullshit promise. Congress extends cannabis protections again—without real reform, without commitment, and without shame. Welcome to the Yearly Weed Divorce Clause.
3 min read
MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR ZIP CODE: New York’s Proximity Correction Notice Sparks Cannabis Hunger Games
New York approved over 150 dispensaries too close to schools. Now they’re making licensees fight for survival in a real-world cannabis Hunger Games. This Field Dispatch goes inside the madness — Tributes, districts, and all.
4 min read
MONTANA BARS START SELLING WEED AFTER MISUNDERSTANDING GOVERNMENT MERGER
Montana merged its weed and booze regulators. Now bar owners think they can sell joints, dispensaries are advertising bourbon, and no one knows who's actually in charge. This isn’t reform — it’s a licensing disaster dressed up as efficiency.
3 min read
Germany’s Cannabis Future: Bureaucracy, Blunt Trauma, and Bundesboof
Germany’s weed rollout is what happens when bureaucrats get high on paperwork and paranoia. No dispensaries, no fun — just clubs, quotas, and confusion. We break down why Europe’s cannabis dream looks a lot like an American MSO’s bankruptcy hearing.
3 min read
DeSantis Revokes MMJ Cards—Claims It’s About Safety, Not the Voices
Ron DeSantis just gutted Florida’s MMJ program—revoking cards from past drug offenders and calling it “safety.” We call it fascism, Florida-style.
3 min read
VEGAS WEED LOUNGES POST-SMOKING BAN — BLACK MARKET CELEBRATES
Vegas banned smoking in cannabis lounges. The black market threw a celebration. We were there—in the fumes, the chaos, and the ridiculous compliance charade.
3 min read
MISSOURI LAUNCHES “SURPRISE” CANNABIS INSPECTIONS TO COMBAT TRANSPARENCY, COMMON SENSE
JEFFERSON CITY, MO — In a groundbreaking move to confuse, entrap, and mildly inconvenience cannabis operators statewide, Missouri...
3 min read
Hemp Goes to Court: The 8th Circuit Hands the Market Back to Cops, Lawsuits, and Confused Retailers
“The only certainty in hemp is that your business plan is about to get fucked.” Market Shock: 8th Circuit Delivers Legal Whiplash to Hemp...
3 min read
MISSOURI PROPOSES THC CAP TO PROTECT SUBURBAN PARENTS FROM THEMSELVES
State regulators unveil bold new strategy to make legal weed just shitty enough to lose to the plug again. Welcome to “safety.” FOR...
3 min read
TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC MORALITY AND MEDIOCRE POLICY
Texas Governor Greg Abbott Receives Prestigious “Accidental Cannabis Hero” Award After Vetoing THC Ban He Clearly Didn’t Understand In a...
3 min read
“Support Your Local Cartel”: New Jersey Proposes Prison Time for Not Buying State-Approved Weed
In a bold new strategy to fight affordability, New Jersey lawmakers want to criminalize anyone who dares to skip the dispensary and buy...
4 min read
METH VS. WEED — THE BOOF DU JOUR PSYCHOSIS TRIAL
The DEA said weed might be worse than meth. So we gave out both and kept score. For science. By your Boof du Jour field correspondent,...
3 min read
600 Pounds of Evidence ‘Missing’ from Police Lockup - Colorado High Again
Reporting live from the epicenter of a Cheech & Chong-level coverup By Boof du Jour Staff Reporting live from the epicenter of a Cheech...
2 min read
Terpli AI Virtual Budtender Has Existential Crisis After 4,000th Customer Asks for 'Your Highest THC, Bro'
“We're updating the model to just recommend GMO and say, ‘Hell yeah, bro.’ It's what the people want.” t’s 3:12 PM and I’m crammed into...
3 min read
I Tested My Weed in Five States and It Came Back as a Sleep Aid, a Stimulant, and a State Park
This Eighth Failed More Tests Than I Did in High School By Boof du Jour Field Correspondent, Reporting Live from the Backseat of a Hertz...
3 min read
BLOOM RECALL ZONE — Vape Oil, MCT, and a Whole Lotta Regret in Michigan
Turns Out “Live” Resin Doesn’t Mean You’ll Stay That Way GRAND RAPIDS, MI — The smell out here is a mix of fear, expired distillate, and...
3 min read
“Daddy’s Lunchables Just Hit Different”
Child Trips Balls on Cartoon Bear Candy While Parents Play the Dumb Card I’m crouched next to a Sheriff-branded SUV outside a modest...
3 min read
Congress Considers Letting Drug Policy Be Based on Reality for the First Time Since Nixon Took a Shit in the Oval Office
Bill Could End Longstanding Government Tradition of Making Shit Up About Weed WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a development that sent shockwaves...
3 min read
New York Cannabis Supply Chain Achieves Full Enlightenment Through Total Lack of Oversight
With no rules, no accountability, and absolutely no one watching the wheel, New York’s weed supply chain has entered its final form: pure...
2 min read
State Awards Compliance Testing License to Lab Currently Being Sued for Faking Compliance Testing
Test Results May Vary—But Only Upward. HARTFORD, CT — In an inspiring display of blind optimism and spreadsheet-based licensing, the...
2 min read
Missouri's Annual DHSS Administrative Hold: A Beloved Industry Tradition
It’s not summer in Missouri until the admin hold hits and your whole supply chain gets ghosted by the state. Jefferson City, MO — As the...
2 min read
State Revokes Dispensary License After Learning Owner Thought ‘Compliance’ Was a Strain
After months of suspicious behavior and zero recordkeeping, regulators finally acted—moments after overhearing the owner ask if...
2 min read
POLICY MALPRACTICE: INSIDE ARIZONA’S MOLDY WEED SCANDAL AND THE STATE AGENCY THAT JUST WATCHED
By Boof du Jour’s Investigative Desk (and black mold sample unit) Arizona’s cannabis testing system is broken. Not bureaucratic. Not...
3 min read
AUSTRALIA'S CANNABIS TELEHEALTH CIRCUS: Inside the Startup That Gave 12,000 People Weed—With Less Oversight Than a Toaster Warranty
By Boof du Jour Global Field Team SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — In a country where you still can’t legally buy a fucking vape with nicotine, a...
3 min read
SPOILED FLOWER & CORPORATE FUNGUS: CURALEAF’S LATEST MEDICAL WEED RECALL SMELLS EXACTLY HOW IT SHOULD
By Boof du Jour Investigative Team Filed from Connecticut, where even the medical weed now comes with an expiration date and a wellness...
3 min read
THE PERKINELMER PIPE DREAM: Inside the $300 Million Clusterfuck That Made Labs Lie and Investors Cry
By Boof du Jour Investigations May 2025 – This article was fact-checked by no one because the truth is already worse than fiction. When...
4 min read
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